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I have been wondering how in todays times this "delicate" issue could be or should be handled.
I have seen times are changed as I happen to find that most of married people believe in having joint account. Though major responsibility is always shared by wife in terms home management to expenses at times done willingly.
The reason to pop up this question in my mind I guess I am looking for a match and just not sure how to talk of this topic.
when is the right time and how all new married couple should handle this sensitive issue?
what is the right time to talk about it?
How to handle it?
is it good to have joint account?
and what could be its limitations/issues?
May be in this group, somebody has already faced or handling it.
and just wondered their views could be valuble to know.
Now albeit this is for couple who both are working.
Any comments?
Manu
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Najuka
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| | Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 2:25 am: | 
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wow....
we never thought of it.... we dont have joint accounts but we dont need joint account... morally our accounts are as if they are joint.... whoever needs money gets it frm either account.....
we never thought of it even before marriage...
is this love marriage / arrange marriage thingi ??? .....
do ppl really care @ individual money as opposed to "our money" ?? ....
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Charu_ag
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| | Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 9:39 am: |
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manaisvanaIÊ tuJyaa manaat Asao ivacaar yaoNao sahja Aaho. AayauXyaacaI ek navaIna sauÉvaat krtanaa vyavahar
DÜL\yaa AaD kÉna caalaNaar naahI. ivaXaoXtÁ lagna AroMjD AsaolaÊ navara baayakÜ dÜGaohI kmaavato AsatIla
tr ha p`a^blaoma yaotÜca. ikMbahunaa yaalaa Baavainak samasyaa na samajata Aai-qa-k baajaunao ivacaar
kr.
lagna zrNyaa AaQaIca yaaba_la ivacaar krNao inarqa-k Aaho. lagna JaalyaanaMtr yaa baabaIkDo laxa Vavaoca
laagato.
[qao paXcyaa%yaaMmQyao tIna vaogaL\yaa Aka^]MTcaI pwt Aaho. ek Aka^]MT navaáyaacaoÊ ek baayakÜcao AaiNa
itsaro jaa^[MT. dÜGaohI Aaplyaa pgaaratuna yaa itsaáyaa Aka^]MT maQyao Bar Gaalatat AaiNa Gar caalaivatat.
Aqaa-t yaa samaaja vyavasqaomaQyao ho gaOr hI vaaTt naahI. dÜGaanaahI lagna iktI idvasa iTkola yaacaI
Ka~I nasato. %yaamauLo sauÉvaatIpsaunaca saavaQa paiva~\yaanao caalalaolao Asato. hI pwt AapNa na@kIca
vaapÉ Xakt naahI. Aaplyaa saazI lagna ha kovaL vyavahar nasatÜ.
dusarI pwt kdacaIt tulaa AavaDola. yaat dÜGaaMcaahI prspraMvarIla ivaXvaasa haca payaa Aaho. jyaacaa pgaar
jaast AsaolaÊ ikMvaa jyaalaa kmaI T^@sa Vavaa laagat AsaolaÊ %yaacao Aka^]MT saoivaMga mhNauna vaapravao
AaiNa dusaáyaacao Aka^]MT Kcaa-saazI vaapravao. yaamauLo ek zraivak r@kma bacatIcyaa svaÉpat naohmaIca
hataXaI Asato AaiNa [tr Kca- hI vyavasqaIt caalatÜ.
yaa dÜnhIpOkI dusarI pwt jaast caMgalaI.
BaavaI AayauXyaasaazI Anaok XauBaocCa AaiNa AkÜ]MT baukacaI svaPna rMgaivaNyapoxaa sauKacaI svaPna rMgava...
ek p`omaL sallaa. 
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Charu,
Thanks for your views, I guess you misunderstood me.
I never thought this before till I came here in USA and saw my indian friends have this kind of "joint account" thing. Personally I find it very practical or cautious thing (that what you said).
And I see lot of these newly married Indian couple literally decide how much to put etc.
Till now looking at older couples or for that matter my parents I thought these things never exited but trust me lot of boys or so called husbands do look at you or think of joint account.
I also happen to read one article if girl is working then kind of expectations are not only doing household work but also spending on home expenses willingly , at times little more also and husbands alos really dont care much of giving or spending anything for her own maintanance(beauty parlour, her clothes) . I saw this closely with lot of Indian newly friends doing here and was surprised.
So wondered how to talk ot decide with your would be or present husband if need arises?
I find it "less emotional" thing in this honestly,
So this attempt was made to know what others think.
In most cases my friends have "arrnaged marriage" and in arranged marriage discussing these thing is bit difficult I guess. I dont know how easy in love marrie either.
Ne comments ?
Thank
manu
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Najuka,
I really dont know if that matters but shockingly these things are happening around. specially kind of attitude people have it once they get a little westernised or see U S A.
Another reason also "TRUST" is less in these relationship I guess.
I personally dont know much and could never ask my friends about their need to have "joint account" as its their perosnal choice.
I could never ask how it started between them.
but what I could see that their attitude is it is much "safer" Manu(one married Indian female friend just gave a long sigh and said this to me concluding that you dont know these husbands and you neevr know.) and this left me amused.
Another thing was that these married girls also opinioned that one should never talk of your salary till the "right" time comes?
irony of changing times? right?
Manu
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Kaukhan
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| | Tuesday, June 07, 2005 - 4:58 pm: |
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Manu,
If you really like your match and if you think he really likes you, then -
Just demand - with all that feminine charm... fluttering of eye-lashes, curling of hair with the index finger, pouting of lips, feline smile on your lips et al - that you have all the rights on his money. Plus that you get to keep yours.
Scratch that. Don't demand. Just inform him of the impending changes to his financial status. His reaction would tell you a lot about him. However, note that my first paragraph is very crucial.
All the best.
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Kaukhan,
I think about your "demanding" curling eyelashes only shamrila tagore can do:-)) hahaha
jokes apart,what do you mean by inform:? how do you inform?
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i guess with all that body language kau says, Ash wont require to speak at all
what say Ash fans?
seriously, I have 2 friends (boys) who got married and then came to know that their wife just wanted to land in US and so married him. They simply ditched their husbands afterwards, one when landed in US and one when got GC. fortunately, they did not demand any money for divorce. but u never know. so cant trust in the begining of AM and certainly not about money. It is applicable to girls also.
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Bee
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| | Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 6:51 am: |
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savya- u can make better Zee serials
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Savya,
COOL. I loved this.
Seems a great story as Bee mentioned.
Manuswini,
It is difficult to take decisions based on what you see happening around. As they say, you can learn but to apply the same theory in your own life is something I would not do. The basic instincts of a man and women are different. But then come the upbringing, education, social/peer influence etc. So each individual is different than the other.
So discussing an issue like money and finding an amicable solution is different(experience, and the solution too) for every couple.
When I came to Germany about 5 years ago I also thought that the 'three' account theory (as Charu mentioned) is 'not for indians'. Later after a lots of discussions with my friends and colleagues (who are together, married or otherwise, with their partners for more than 7 years which is a good rule of thumb for the likely-hood of their 'engagement' lasting for life or long enough) I found the good points of it.
There is no ideal solution. In the case where both are earning things could be a little complicated. But if you are not able to find a solution which works for both then there is a problem. Problem with the 'balance' which does not come after the word 'bank'.
You should read 'Men are from Mars, Women from Venus' which is also available in Marathi now (one of the excellent translations(adaptation) I have seen).
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Charu_ag
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| | Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 7:59 am: |
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manauÊ ha p`Xna Baavainak nasauna baraca saMvaodnaXaIla Aaho. %yaamauLo sagaL\yaa gaÜYTIncaI kXaI saaMgaD
GaalaavaI to kLt naahI.
barÜbar Aaho Ê Aaplyaa palakMcyaa vaoLI ha p`Xna ]piXatca Jaalaolaa n*vata. %yaavaoLI Gar ho Krca dÜGaaMcao
Asaayacao. dÜGaohI kmaavato Asalao trI %yaaMcao life personal vagaOro navhto. jao kahI Aaho to Aaplao Aaho hI Baavanaa jaast hÜtI
Aata tsao naahI. dÜGaanaahI ek personal life AsatoÊ to AsaavaohI pNa ek kuTuMba mhNauna jyaa jabaabadaáyaa Asatat %yaa kuNaI GyaayacyaaÆ lagna hI ivacaar
na krta krayacaI gaÜYT naahI.Aaplaa jaÜDIdar ksaa Asaavaa yaacaa ivacaar kÉ XaktÜ pNa tÜ ksaa Asaola ho
maa~ kuNaIhI saaMgau Xakt naahI. ivaXaoXtÁ AroMjD lagnaamaQyao tr naiXabaavarca ivasaMbauna rahavao laagato.
ha Aai-qa-k p`Xna dÜGaanaa saamaMjasyaanaoÊ ekmaokanaa ivaXvaasaat Gao}naca saÜDvaavaa laagaNaar.
malaa AroMjD caa AnauBava naahI pNa maaJyaa maO~INaIkDuna imaLalaolyaa maaihtIvaÉnaca ho ilaihto Aaho.
btw savyaasaacaI naI idlaolaI ]dahrNao Qa@kadayak Aahot. AsahI GaDtÆ
my money, his money ha p`Xna XahaNa pNaanao saÜDivaNyaacaa saÜPpa maaga-
dÜGaanaIhI Aaplyaa bank cards caI Adlaa badlaI krayacaI. mhNajao Kca- jabaabadarInao hÜtÜÊprspraMvarIla ivaXvaasa vaaZtÜÊ maaJao pOsao
tuJao pOsao ha p`Xna ]Baaca raht naahI. AaiNa BaaMDNa hÜt naahI.
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bee, i know.
but yes both are true stories 
ekacha ata parat lagna houn tyala ata ek god porgi pan ahe
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Kaukhan
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| | Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 4:36 pm: |
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Manuswini: All women have that inborn talent. And most are better at it than Sharmila Tagore. About inform - that was tongue in cheek for "tell".
Savya: Ash *lol*. She won't need it now, would she?
Bee ani Prashant: malaasauwa AXaI ]dahrNaM maahIt Aahot pNa manausvaInaI bahutok already itkDo Aaho .
Bottomline: It is all a matter of how good a person you are and your spouse is.
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manauisvaina ha p`XNa ......p`XNaca ]rt naahI jar dÜGaaina ek matana inaNa-ya Gaotlaa tr .ek family m*NhUna dÜGancao savings AaiNa tsaaca Kca- krayacaa maga tÜ vaad na rhata saÝvaad hÜtÜ .
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Bee
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 5:22 am: |
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Manuswini, try once what Kau is telling with your husband. U might be lucky enought to get his account good luck!
but what if husband wants to get his wife's account? what he should do
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Milindaa
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 8:29 am: |
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savyaaÊ tulaa AvaQaut ikllaodar maaihtI Aaho ka ro Æ
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imailaMdaÊ naahI malaa tÜ naahI maahIt.
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Samrya
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 4:12 pm: |
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wah .. aaj kiti sundar disat aahes tu .. tujhe dole mala khup aavadtaat .. vishesh karun tujhya paapnyachi ughad-jhaap .. tujhe hasne kiti god aahe ga .. e, parat ekda mala raja mhan na .. wah, tujhya haatche kakadi salad aaj mastch jhale hote :D
but what if husband wants to get his wife's account? what he should do >> varil sagle mhanun baghne ;)
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Samrya
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 4:34 pm: |
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jokes apart, ha prashna ka yaiyala hava? jar eka mekan varti vishwas nasel tar hey prashna yeu shaktaat. pan lagna nantar sagle paishe doghanchech astaat -- agreed tyatla ek jan finance manage karto ani to tharavto ki kuthe jasti kharch hou naye ani jhala paahije. pan general vaapar sathi to paisa doghanchach asto na.
either lagna purvi doghehi naukari karat astaat kivva lagna nantar spouse naukari karu laagto. majhya mate lagna purvichya paishya varti jyacha tyacha individual hakka aahe .. muli cha jasti. tila kaay karaiche astil tya paishyache te tine tharvaave -- ghari dyayache astil tar ghari kivva nantar sansaarat vaaparaiche astil tar sansaarat, tiche mat asave. aani ashi shankha asel tar nakkich vegle thevave. ekda confidence ala tar lagna adhichi kamaee merge karavi.
lagna nantar spouse naukari karaila laagla tar kaay, saral aahe .. merge into one. ata vegle account thevle kaay ani joint account thevle kaay, farak kaahi padnaar naahi. finally kunacha kiti income ala te varsha akher suddha kalu shakte ani bank stmts varun suddha.
ata lagna adhich jar vaatat asel ki divorce jhala tar kase manage karaiche tar room partner barobar jasa hishob thevto tasa thevla paahije
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Yog
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 4:47 pm: |
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milindaa
AvaQaut ikllaodar..Æ zaNyaacaa ka ro..Æ Atula caa lahana Baa}..Æ what abt him..?
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Champak
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 5:10 pm: |
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........ Ana samaáyaaÊ Éma paT-nar jar maaJao ca pOsao Kca- kirt Asaola t ksao krayacao maga
malaa vaaTto ik ha p`Xna AXyaaca izkaNaI yaotÜ ik ijaqao navara baayakÜcaa ekmaokaMvar ivaXvaasa naahI²
³AMtIma´kTu sa%ya²²
navara baayakÜ dÜGao naÜkir kirt AsatIla tr %yaaMcao AgaÜdrca vaoga vaogaLI dÜna KatI AsatIla ³navayaa-caa
pgaar baayakÜcyaa ikMvaa baayakÜcaa pgaar navayaa-cyaa Ka%yaat jamaa hÜ] Xakt Asaola Asao malaa vaaTt
naahI. AgadI ekaca kayaa-layaat kama kirt Asalao trI²´Ana maga AiD naiD laa to ekmaokaMnaa pOsao dot Gaot
AsatIla. maga punha jaa^MT Aka]MT kXyaalaa²
yaavar ek ]payaÊ dÜGaaMcao pgaarÊ vaiDlaQaayaa- maMDLIMcyaa hatI doNao. pNa prt ek savaala ik rajaa raNaI
caa saMsaar Asaola t ksaoÆ
Ana maga rajaa raNaI caa saMsaar Asaola t ha AivaXvaasa kaÆ ho tuJao Ana to maaJao Asao kaÆ ho dÜGaaMcao
imaLuna Asao ka naahIÆ
Ajauna ek pyaa-yaÊ dÜGaaMnaI ek zraivak r@kma Gar Kcaa-laa mhNauna dr maihnyaalaa ek~ jamaa kravaI Ana
]rlaolaa pgaar tsaa ca bacat mhNauna jyaa cyaa %yaacyaa kDo zovaavaa² maÜzI gauMtvanauk krayacao Asaola
t maga ca bacatI cyaa rkmaa ek~ kravyaat. mhNajao GaTsÔÜT Jaalaa trI ADcana nakܲ
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caMpk ... kalaaya tsmaO nama : ÈÈ..
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Samrya
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 5:58 pm: |
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Champak: room partner barobar apan joint account naahi ughadat .. mahinya aakher 'tu mala yevdhe dene' ani 'tula me itke dene' karun hishob thevto
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champak:
That what I obeserved ki aajkaal "joint" account hi scheme nighaliy between husband-wife.
Tuhi tech tar lihile aahes.
ek taravik rakkam tevayachi joint accountmadhe.
I never had this thought occured in my mind ki he se sudha su shakte.
Both my parents are/were working. paan ase sudha hote he USA madhe aalyavar kalale.
baryach maitrine sagitale..ki joint account asave manun.
jamana badal gaya hai bhaiya...sabse bada rupaiya...:-))
devas thavuk..
Actually all these friends told me it was initiated by their husbands only...seriously. no offense to men clan.
but one thing, here in USA job status is NOT stable...mag kaay?
navara kinva bayko paise takat nahi joint account madhe ...mag kaay karave????
I think I should directly ask one of friend who is actually into it?
anybody over here doing it?
aajkalchi tarun newly married couples hya group madhe joint account ughdun basali aahet ka.
Hoenstly, spekaing I am PLAIN curious ki jamana asa kasa badalala....aani manun ha prayantna madhali maza.
Manu
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Samrya
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| | Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 7:28 pm: |
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what do u suggest if the spouse is not earning?
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samrya,
mala kahich mahit nahi. mi ajun tasla kahi vichar hi kela nahi.
paan sansar ha "aapla" asto- Maza vichar
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Madya
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 4:34 am: |
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lagn mhanaje commitment for life.
aamache joint acct aahe, pan doghanchya salaries tyach acct madhe jama hotaat
personal ashi aamachi kuthalihi accts naahi aahet.
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Champak
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 6:56 am: |
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Madya, Urs is a ideal couple!
Lets talk about real ones.
I am not able to understand why husband and wife cant trust each other and if they dont trust then why they r still together?
If this mistrust is only in case of Money, then there r 3 possibilities.
1) Do you think that your spouse is going to waste that money on unnecessary things or habits?
2) Is he too good to help other people including relatives with that money. and r u afraid that the people will misuse his/ her money.
3) Are u afraid of divorce? And if yes, why are u carrying forward that relation ?
I dont want to question the feeling of devotion of anybody towards his/ her partner but money should not be a problem in any CLOSE relation!
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Charu_ag
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 7:35 am: |
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caMpkÊ tumacao mau_o pTlao.
mala tr hoca kLt naahI kI navarabaayakÜnaI e@maokaMvar puNa- ivaXvaasa zovayacaa naahI tr maga kuNaI zovaayacaaÆ
yaa naa%yaaiXavaaya puNa- ivaXvasa zovaavaoAsao dusaro naatoca nasato. yaatca jar pOXaasaarKI gaÜYT AaD
yaot Asaola AaiNa pOsao kuNaacao ha vaad }Baa raht Asaola tr caMpk mhNatÜya %yaa p`maaNao yaa naa%yaalaa
Krca Aqa- naahI. ha p`XNa dÜGaanaI imaLuna AaiNa e@maokaMvar puNa- ivaXvaasa zovaunaca saÜDavaayacaa AsatÜ.
Aata vairla savyaasaacaI nao dÜna ]dahrNao idlaI kI ksao yaa sauMdr naa%yaacyaa AaDuna laÜk Aplaa svaaqa-
saaQauna Gaotat AaiNa naMtr saÜDuna jaatat. ho %yaa maulaaMcao dudO-va ca mhNaavao laagaola. tumhI lagna
krtaya mhNajao ]rlaola saMpuNa- AayauXya %yaa vya>IbarÜbar Gaalaivanaar Aahat. yaatIla sauK - duK dÜGaaMcaohI AahoÊ %yaat vyavahar yaovau nayao. pNa pOsaa hI [tkI naajauk gaÜYT Aaho kI yaamauLo saMbaQahI
ibaGaDu Xaktat. pNa Krca tumhalaa yaa vya>IbarÜbarca AayauXya Gaalavaayaca Aaho naa maga kuNaacaa pOsaa
ho vaadacao karNa na samajata dÜGaanaI hI prspraMvar puNa- ivaXvaasa Takuna yaacao inayaÜjaNa kravao.
[qao malaa maaJyaa personal life var cacaa- krayacaI naahI pNa ek ]dahrNa mhNauna saaMgaavaosao vaaTto mhNauna ilaihto.Aamacao lagna AronjD
naahI. saaQaarNa caar vaYaa- puvaI- AamhI dÜGao BaoTlaÜ hÜtÜÊ dÜGaaMcaohI iXaxaNa ca sauÉ hÜtoÊ toMvha
ho hI maaiht navht kI lagna koMvha hÜ[laÊ dÜna vaYa- laagatIla kI caar vaYao-Ê f> ekmaokMvar ivaXvaasa
hÜta. mhNaunaca %yaavaoLo pasauna Aaja pya-Mt pOsaa hI gaÜYT Aamacyaa maQyao vaadacaa ivaXaya mhNauna
kQaIca AalaI naahI. caar vaYaa-puvaI- maaJyaa navaáyaanao sava- jamaa Kca-Ê jao kahI Asaola to maaJyaavarca
saÜpivalao. AaiNa Aajatagaayat to maaJyaakDoca Aahot. AamhI kamaainaima<a Aaja vaogavaogaL\yaa Xahrat
rahtÜya pNa puZIla AayauXyaat doKIla kQaIca ha vaad ]dBavaU nayao mhNauna AamhI AamacaI bank cards exchange kolaIt. %yaamauLo maaJaa pOsaa ha kQaI malaa maaJaa pOsaa vaaTt naahI %yaavar maaJyaa navaáyaacaa puNa-
AiQakar Aho AaiNa malaahI ha %yaacaa pOsaa AahoÊ Asao kahI vaogaLo vaaTt naahI. yaacao fayado Anaok
Aahot. pNa savaa-t maÜza fayada mhNajao ptI p%naI saarKo sauMdr naato pOXaamauLo kaLvaMDt naahI.
saaMgaayacaa mau_a ha kI tumhalaa na@kI kaya hvaya ho tumhI svatÁ ca zrvaayaca AsatÊ kXaalaa p`aQaanya
Vayaca ho Aaplyaa hatI Asat.
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Milindaa
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 7:52 am: |
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savyaanao saaMigatlaolaa AnauBava ³ima~Ê baayakÜÊ US Ê saÜDNao´ Asaaca ikssaa maI %yaacyaakDUna pNa eoklaa hÜta mhNaUna ivacaarlaM
hÜ zaNyaacaaca tÜ.
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I dont understand how can an AM be a CLOSE relationship in just a day of marriage?
they may have met for couple of times earlier. and they have chosen each other as 'life partner'. does that make the relationship close and trust worthy?
I can agree with champak that money should not be a prb in hus-wife kinda close relation but it does not become so called close in a day or two. We must give some time.
Ok, in the first meet itself, the love/devotion can be there to the level that 'I dont care if partner runs away with my complete money'. But trust, that he wont do that, sorry.
(on a lighter side, but will still hold true to drive my pt, I had such devotion first for MD, then for SB and now for Ash.. )
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Champak
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 11:45 am: |
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In the first meet, u cant trust him/ her>>>>>>>
Yes, but in the first meet or in the very begining of your marriage you cant decide who will spend money for home!
Atlest for few months a couple will dream about future and not start talking about what to do with money and accounts and future problems.
kaya pNa Arisak laÜk ro tumhI² C\yaa²
<<I am used to spend girl(s) money! >>>
BTW, savyaa... who is SB. I heard about BB,MS,IK etc.(extra) but not SB!
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Nice to know peoples thought over this. I personally believe the way charu has written but I was shocked to hear from my newly married friends and the reasons indirectly given or talked was one of the those (sadly though) what "chapak" said above.
But these were few of my friends who were newly married . And then I wondered my God is this what happeneing in Indian couples too.
American coupls doing is understood.
Secondly, these ideas where in most cases were put by husbands more than wives(I know...I know it does not matter who puts it).
About girl using boy for coming to US is not NEW THING. I have seen this real examples. But that was not for money as such but to come here to USA or some very selfish purpose in my known examples.
Wha savyasachi says is true too that each couple needs to build confidence over little time in AM. And I also agree with chapak "arsik" thing :-))))
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>> American coupls doing is understood
manauisvanaIÊ (a vaa@yaacaa Aqa-M spYT k$ XakXaIla kaÆ tulaa na@kI kaya mhNaayacaM Aaho Æ that indian couple in the US having separate accounts is understandable ? or american couples having different accounts is understandable ?
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Champak
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| | Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:00 pm: |
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Punya......I think U misunderstood. She said American Couples! not the couples in Ammerica!!!
manu, My name is C-H-A-M-P-A-K
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| मायबोली |
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| चोखंदळ ग्राहक |
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| महाराष्ट्र धर्म वाढवावा |
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| व्यक्तिपासून वल्लीपर्यंत |
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| पांढर्यावरचे काळे |
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| गावातल्या गावात |
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| तंत्रलेल्या मंत्रबनात |
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| आरोह अवरोह |
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| शुभंकरोती कल्याणम् |
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| विखुरलेले मोती |
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