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Hi,
First of all let me say ,I was amazed reading some discussion here.
May be I am too going thorugh some sort of situation right now if you talk of mariage.
rather making it big story , let me start here.
I have talking with one boy who seems ok in terms of basic things9education, family, job) that matters in "arranged marriage".
All nine months we have just talking over phone as we are settled in different parts of USA for jobs though we both are originally from Mumbai.and finally saw each other two times in Mumbai.Though he is not so goodlooking and I guess I am( not boasting really but I value person nature and all that so call practical things looked in arranged marriage) I guess I am Ok with this boy as I think I can talk comfortably with him and Too certain extent I feel good vibes in terms of physical aspect though I feel he should have been little handsome but no regrets:-)
Coming to the point, we mostly talked initially in our conversation over the phone before actual meeting about careers more then likes/dislikes and little about family , though I guess I talked more about myself where as He seemd talking about his job more.
after our personal meeting things changed little, I could feel there is not much openness in our talks though we still feel that we are talking because we should not loose a 'choice"( this is conveyed more in his talks or number of calls reduced or may be my too much analysing just dont know).
He does call me but it looks we are not really breaking the ice or rather i am not so sure about his inclination. when I finally directly asked hi what are his thoughts and inclination, he just told me that he wants to meet me again rather giving clear indication. I did give him hint by asking him about his visit plans four times and finally he said he would make a visit to my place in Jersey.
Now my question is,
1)what is it taking so long to come and meet me when it is quite posisble for him seing his job and more importantly if he is "really" keen?
2) he does call me over phone but number of calls have been reduced compare to before?
3) we still talk more about office even I indicated to him that if we are keen then we should talk more meaningful talks that he just agreed by saying yes over then phone but really not happening
4) Am I too eager to hear "Yes"? or is he not really ready to "commit"?
another thing we met through some site where he would not login in six months time while we were speaking but now a days he keeps login there daily.
5) How to find out whats in his mind? can I ask him directly when he meets me? and if yes then how should I ask?
My parents did talk with his parents over then phone and provided my information and boy did say that his parents have no issues.
I am confused. I liked the guy and dont mind marrying bald person:-)
but I cant keep pushing the thing since our first personal meeting.
Can somebody out there help me to explain boys interest or what direction should I go in now.
I would truly appreciate. Luckily I browsed this site and read someone similar problem about arranged marriage and felt like writing here. Please email me with suggestions at happygirl10@hotmail.com
Manuswini
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Arch
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| | Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 7:02 pm: | 
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manaisvanaIÊ tuJaa %yaalaa hÜkar Aaho kaÆ ka Ô> %yaacaa tulaa hÜkar Aaho ka naahI hoca tulaa jaaNaUna
Gyaayaca AahoÆ Have you ever revealed your cards to him?
jar maulagaaÊ maulagaI (at BaodBaava nasaavaaÊ tr naohomaI %yaanaoca ka tulaa call kravaaÆ
%yaanaoca ka tulaa BaoTayalaa yaavaÆ tuJyaa jar %yaacyaabaabatIt positive vibes AsatIla tr tU ka %yaalaa BaoTayalaa jaa} nayaosaÆ
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Thanks Arch, there is no question of bhedbhav here.
I made all my efforts to Mumbai and took initiative to make this trip happen after six months our phone talks.He did say that now he will definitly make an effort.
as for your question, yes I am interested to know his "interest". At some point it is important to know what in other persons mind rather some taking this matter casually , as some boys just talk for fun and are indecisive and confused( I beg pardon but not to hurt "boys" clan here or offense them) but in marriage matter you cant take casual attitude specially after investing 9-10 months in arrnaged marriage.
what say?
Arch,when I ask a boy 4 times for visit ( as he suggested to meet again) isnt that enough for him to know my interest?
what these guys expect more?:-)
Should I wordly express my interest you think?
would it help? phone calls enough for him to know "I am interested"?.
Manu
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Arch
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| | Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 7:55 pm: |
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manauÊ maaJyaamatoÊpuZcyaa call cyaa vaoLosa tU %yaalaa ivacaaravasa kI tÜ kQaI decision GaoNaar Aaho ikMvaa %yaaca decision kXaavar AvalaMbaUna AahoÆ Are you sure he is not dating anybody else or talking to anybody ese?, if not, go ahead and ask him a straight forward question about it.
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Arch, aga mi vicharnar aahe ga, paan mala he kase mahiti honar to konala date kartoy.
prashna to konala date kartoy ki nahi ha nahi.
if he is "interested" ,he will keep me first in his mind:-) mag to chaughina date karudet sadhya ,it does not matter. but i guess tha laves him confused...right?
i guess i would ask him what is his decision in my third meeting...to yevu de tar khare...:-)
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Arch,
is it good to ask directly to a boy if you are dating anybody else in arranged marriages.
I guess we dont or cant stop anybody doing that.
or we dont have right to ask?
do you think i think .right??/
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I did not read this discussion earlier but I think it is very good if u keep ur intentions straight before asking any questions, communicate ur intentions clearly to him sothat there is no way to misunderstandings. And yes, u have got all the rights to know what's in his mind, why is he taking time, does he have anyone else in mind? etc. Lets not waste time in 'TuTu-MaiMai' or 'PahleAaap PahleAaap'!
And from my experience, even in love affairs, when its time to get married, most of the time, girl has to push the boy to move fast. I am not saying that boys take it very casually but they r not quick enough.
Key to ur (any)relationship is clearcut communication!
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When you say he is logging on 'THE' site more often now, I feel he is looking for better choice than u.
tuzyashi lagna karanyaevadhi tu tyala avadli ahes asa vatata. pan evadhi nahi ki lagech ho mhanun takava. well, AM is like finding a job. milaleli offer changli ahech (not dream job though) pan tithe join karaychya adhi dusri ajun changli milali tar uttamach ki.
u better ask him clearly on phone before his visit what is in his mind, whether this visit is to go towards marriage or to tell u that he doesn't feel like marrying u. nahitar bhetitahi office ani itar vayfal gappach hotil and no final conclusion.
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Thanks to all guys who expressed their opnions here to help me.
Manu
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Madya
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| | Saturday, June 04, 2005 - 3:15 pm: |
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jar tumachi bhet arranged marriage chya aadhi KP sarakhi zali asel, tar, kaahi divasaatach tumhi nirnay ghyayala hava hota ki pudhe javun lagn karayache aahe ki naahi mhanun, 6-9 mahine nusate ph var bolane, te hi decide na karata, that is too much.
tumachya doghanchya gharache sudha ekate mahine kase kaay thambale?
der se aaye par durust aaye, hya mhani pramane, je kaahi tyala wicharayache aahe te direct wicharave ase mala waatate, 6/7 mahine ekadache tikadache bolun time pass kelach aahe na, aata saral bindhast wichar tyala lagn karayache aahe ki naahi, asel tar continue ur phoning, nasel tar dont take any more calls from him.
hope this works out.
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Maudee
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| | Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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I will suggest you that ask him directly ki tu lagna karnar aahes ka???
tyane jar ho ase uttar dile tar prashnach mitla. Pan tula jar ase watat asel ki to uttar dyayla talatal karat aahe tyala bindhast tuza nakar kalwun tak.
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thanks ग तुज्या reply ला
अग कधिच नकार कळवला मी तारिख बघ मझ्या post ची तरी धन्यवाद
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Milindaa
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| | Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 11:20 am: |
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चला, आता हा बीबी तरी बंद करायला हरकत नाही हो मॉडरेटर 
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| मायबोली |
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| चोखंदळ ग्राहक |
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| महाराष्ट्र धर्म वाढवावा |
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| व्यक्तिपासून वल्लीपर्यंत |
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| पांढर्यावरचे काळे |
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| गावातल्या गावात |
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| तंत्रलेल्या मंत्रबनात |
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| आरोह अवरोह |
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| शुभंकरोती कल्याणम् |
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| विखुरलेले मोती |
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