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	Archive through August 27, 2004

Hitguj » Views and Comments » Relationships » नवरा, बायको, संसार, तडजोड इ. » In Laws....त्याचे आणि तिचे » Archive through August 27, 2004 « Previous Next » Yogibear Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 8:16 pm:      Sami: maI Ô@,t itcyaa baabaitt mhNat naahIyao pNa in general ca gaPp basaNao (alaa samaJauna GaoNao mhNaayacao kaÆ Sami Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 8:21 pm:      Aro samajaUna GaoNao mhNajao malaa mhNaayacao Aaho kI tI %yaa jao kama saaMgatIla to krt tr hÜtI naa. AaiNa tU mhNatÜsa tsaM gap kuzo Aaho ho ksaM XaÜQaayacaMÆ itnao itcyaa saasaucaa svaBaava jasaa saaMigatlaa Aaho %yaava$na %yaanaa sarL %yaaMcyaa vat-naa ba_la ivacaarNaM iktpt yaÜgya zrolaÆ %yaamauLo saQyaa trI ivacaar krNao saÜDUna doNaoca yaÜgya naahI kaÆ Yogibear Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 8:25 pm:      Sami: ‘ gap kuzo XaÜQaayacaI’ (alaa maaJyaa mato ekca ]<ar Asau Xakto kI %yaaMcyaaXaI saMvaad saaQauna problem solve krta yaošlaÊ Aqaa-t hI gaÜYT baÜLNao ijatko sahja Aaho krNao tovhDoca AvaGaD.... Arch Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 8:29 pm:      Aro yaÜigaÊ Garatlyaa maÜz\yaa maaNasaanao samajautdarpNaa daKvaayacaa AsatÜ. [qao tr caotnaanaoca samajautdarpNaa daKvalaa Aaho AaiNa saasaUca na baÜlaNa itcyaa manaalaa laagala Aaho. hillacyaa kaLat AXaI Gar saMBaaLNaarI AaiNa saasaUsaasaáyaaMXaI namat GaoNaarI maulagaI imaLNa Kr tr kovaZI KuYaIcaI baaba Aaho. navyaa saunaoca kÝtuk kola tr tI AapÜAapca jaast javaL yaošla Asa naahI ka tulaa vaaTtÆ Yogibear Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 8:38 pm:      Arch: maI Asao mhNalaÜ naahI kI tumhI jao saaMigatlao to gaOr Aaho pNa yaovhDca mhNalaÜ kI %yaanao Kra issue solve hÜt naahI. %yaa Ô@,t pLvaaTa JaalyaaÊ Asa naahI ka vaaTt tulaaÆ vairla vya>Inao Aapalyaa pirnao Gar saaMBaaLNyaacaa p`ya%na kolaa tÜ kÝtukacaa Aahoca (at vaadca naahI... Seema0618 Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 9:04 pm:      yogi : malaa vaaTt kI AamhI jao saanaigatla it gap BaÉna kZayaica pihila payair Aaho.pihlyaanda caotucyaa saasaulaa kLu do trI ik %yaanca kuzotrI cauktya. caotu nao dula-@Xa kolyaavar AapÜAapca %yaanaa %yaacyaa vaašT vaagaNaUikcaI jaaiNava hÜ[la naaih kaÆ Yogibear Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 9:12 pm:      Seema: ho ]<ar Écalao naahI.... dula-xa kahI kalaavaQaIsaazI zIk Aaho pNa naohomaI tsao kolyaanao tumhI ek pL\vaaTca inamaa-Na kolaIt naahI ka² (alaa pirisqaitlaa saamaÜrojaaNao mhNat naahIt... Storvi Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 9:45 pm:      Yogi seriously, how many problems with your parents can really be solved with open discussion? How many parents are open for open discussion? Clearly you haven't seen many of these, cause these "open discussions" are never open, they are always rigged by the more dominant of the two parties, any guesses who that would be? jar koni sangitla, ki tumhi ase kelele mala avadle nahi, tari kit parents/in_laws te aikun ghetil? yatun fakta vitandawaad nirman hoil, that's it. Arch Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 9:49 pm:      yaÜigaÊ caotnaanao dula-xaca krava. itcyaa navaáyaanao (a baabatIt AašXaI baÜlaava. tI AXaI saunaoXaI ka vaagato to kLola AaiNa tÜ Aašlaa samajaa} Xakola. [t@yaa qaÜD\yaa idvasaacyaa sahvaasaavar caotnaa dusar kahI k$ Xakola Asa malaa vaaTt naahI. itnao saasaUlaa samajaUna GaoNyaasaazI p~ ilaihNao vagaOro navara saasaUXaI baÜlalyaavarca yaÜgya hܚla Asa maaJa mat Aaho Yogibear Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 10:23 pm:      Arch: "tichya navryaane hyaa babat aaIshI bolaave...." <<< good u brought up something +ve finally. I was looking for such an answer rather than telling what she did was right. Storvi: "open discussions" <<< mhanun kadhi prayatnach karu nayet kaa!!! "yatun fakta vitandawaad nirman hoil" <<< sanvaad saadhun faqta vitandavaadach nirmaan hoto kaa!!! Storvi Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 11:19 pm:      >>mhanun kadhi prayatnach karu nayet kaa!!! >> mazhya lekhi nahi.... hi situation ashi ahe ki politicallych solve karayala havi, as arch says... >>sanvaad saadhun faqta vitandavaadach nirmaan hoto kaa!!! >> It's rather naive to assume that yatun sanvad sadhala jato... Sayonara Friday, October 31, 2003 - 12:32 am:      malaa vaaTtM kI caotnaanao itcyaa navaáyaalaa ivaXvaasaat GyaavaM AaiNa Baartat gaolyaavar saasaáyaaMnaa hI GyaavaM karNa itcyaa mhNaNyaap`maaNao to itcyaa saasaUbaašMpuZo kahI baÜlat navhto. AaiNa magaca saasaUbaašMXaI ksaa saMvaad saaQaayacaaÊ vaagaayacaM ho zrvaNaM itlaa saÜPpM jaašla. Parijat Friday, October 31, 2003 - 12:39 am:      Mee ethe navin ahe . Ha BB interesting vatala mhanun lihite ahe . Mala tasa Ybear cha mhanana patata ahe . Jaree mothyanee samjun ghyayala hava etc khara ahe . pan jar Chetana la tyanchya vaganyacha traas hot asel (durunahee) tar tine sanvad sadhayacha prayatna kela pahije..afterall she is family. kinva mag purna pane durlaksha kela pahije . kadachit Chetana nee tyanchyakade laksha dila(sanvad sadhayacha prayatna kela) , tyana samjun ghyayacha prayatna kela tar tyana bara vatel .. Ajjuka Friday, October 31, 2003 - 6:06 am:      politically.... you said it sTܲ² yaÜgyaa tU jao baÜlatÜyasa naa to Kup utopian Aaho. it does not work that way not in DIL and MIL situation generally. far kmaI saasau - saasaro svatÁcyaa vagaNyaavar tTsqapNao ivacaar kÉ Xaktat. Aaplyaa saMsËutImaQao maaNaUsa vayaanao maÜz tovaZ tÜ barÜbar ikMvaa maÜzI maaNasao yaÜgya toca krtat ha jaÜ fMDa Aaho naa %yaamauLo yaa MIL ina FIL laÜkMnaa IL Jaalao kI AapNa caukUca Xakt naaih AXaI complete Ka~I Asato %yaamauLo saMvaad ina tÜhI sausaMvaad possible almost nasatÜca Asao mhNaayalaa hrkt naaih. clashes ica intensity vaogavaogaLI ina tracks vaogavaogaLo Asatat [tkoca. Aqaa-tca yaalaa kahI sanmaananaIya Apvaad Aahotca. Aaho %yaa situation maQaoÊ especially when she is pregnant, caotnaa nao sagaL\yaakDo dula-xa k$na AanaMdI rhaNao hoca mah%vaacao Aaho. time will heal things hopefully ho manaat Qa$na. Rangy Friday, October 31, 2003 - 7:14 am:      completely agree, storvi, ajjuka. ya issues madhye kayam jo "due diligence" ahe to sunenech karava asa agrah asto, which is unfair. anyway mala je bolayache hote te ya bbvar mi baryach adhi bolaley. pan ajjuka mhnate tas, especially pregnancy madhye yakade durlaksh karne sarvat uttam! feel good about yourself that you did your best and focus your energy on your future. Chetu08 Friday, October 31, 2003 - 4:02 pm:      Hi u all. Tumchya sarvanchya quick reactions varun ek goshta matra prakarshane janavli ti mhanje ha issue saglyanchyach kiti jivhalyacha aahe. aani everyone wants to solve it in good way. Pan samvad sadhayche mhanje nemke kaay karayche tech mala kalat nahi. Ji vyakti phonewar ek-don wakya bolaylahi tayar nahi ti mazya patrala uttar deil ase watat nahi. Mi asa mhanat nahi ki maza kahich chukla nasel. ekhad weles mi je kela tyatun mi "hakka" dakhavtey asa ki impression zala asnyachi shakyata aahe. Mothi mansa jevha aaplyala sangtat tuza he chukla tevha aapan atleast tyanche mhanane purna aikun ghenyachi tari tayari thevto ( amlat aanto ki nahi ha vegla mudda) pan jasa war mhatlyapramane mothya mansanna tar nehmich watata aapla tech barobar tyala kay karnar. Ya BB war he sarva taknyacha uddesh etkach hota ki I wanted u people to view it as a third party and give the advice. aani solution kadhnyachahi hech karan aahe ki mi asa vichar karte jar maze aai vadil aani maza navra yanche sambandh kharab zale tar mala kiti wayit watu shakta tasa kadachit kimbahuna nakkich tyalahi wayit watat aselach na. Ya saglya prakranat jasa manastap mala zalay tasa to tyalahi zalay kimbahuna mi jari aatta ya goshtiwar farsa vichar karaycha nahi asa tharavla tari to ha vichar sahajasahaji dawlu shakat nahi. Seema0618 Friday, October 31, 2003 - 6:03 pm:      exactlu chetu.....mhnaunaca maI tulaa navaáyaaXaI Xaantpnaanao baÜlaayala saaingatlao hÜto Áe baGa....p`%yaok maaNausa svatalaa pTola Écaola toca krt AsatÜ.AaNaI %yaalaa to barÜbar pNa vaaTt Asat. %yaamauLo kuNaalaahI dusaáyaasaazI AaplaI t%va..maulyao saÜDaivaXaI vaaTt naaiht.yaalaaca bahuda identity crisis mhnat Asaavaot. maaNasa maga p`omaapÜTI dusaáyaAasaazI badlatat. pNa [qao la@Xaat Gao ik Ajauna tuj,yaa AiNa tuj,yaa saasaut tÜ p`omaacaa Qaagaa inamaa-Na ja,alaa naahI.mhnajao malaa Asa mhnaayaca naahI kI %yaa tuja,a d\vaoXa krtat.pna p`oma inamaa-na hÜnyaasaazI qaÜDa vaoL jaavaaca laagaola p~ ilahuna ikvaa %yaacyaaXaI baÜlauna ho p`oma inamaa-na hÜvau Xakola ik %yaacyaakDo dula-@Xa kÉna tu %yaancaI maulagaI hÜvauna Aata tu zrva. kQaI kQaI maÜzo cauktat. Aaplao Aaš vaiDlahI kQaItir cauklao Asaitlaca ik²²²pna %yaancyaavar AapNa p`oma krtÜca naa....kuiNatir ekanao qaÜDsa samaÜrcyaacao ApraQa pÜTat Gyaavaot AaNaI p`omaaca Qaagaa baLkT kravaa. ho Kr Aaho ik navaáyaalaa vaašT vaTt Asaola. Asanaarca....pna %yaalaa tu Asaa ivaXvaasa Vayalaa hvaasa ik tu ho " Ôarsa kahI manaavar Gaotla naahIsa...AaNaI tu yaatuna maaga- kaZu Xaktosa "%yaamaulao tuja,a tÜ AaNaKIca Aadr krola.AaNaI navara jaovha p%naI caa Aadr krtÜ tovha %yaancyaatlao p`oma AaNaKIca vaaZt Asa malaa vaaTt. give some time chetna.to u and to ur MIL also. Nirakar Friday, October 31, 2003 - 7:37 pm:      Sto che mhanane barobar aahe, he sagale diplomaticallych handle karayala lagate. Storvi Friday, October 31, 2003 - 9:53 pm:      and finally a male voice on this side of the fence Sami Friday, October 31, 2003 - 10:12 pm:      well said seema....   Sayonara Saturday, November 01, 2003 - 6:03 am:      seema, agree with u. Chafa Saturday, November 01, 2003 - 8:30 pm:      saImaaÊ Cana pÜsT Aaho² Ashishchaskar Saturday, November 01, 2003 - 10:45 pm:      and finally a male voice on this side of the fence >>>> Chetu08 Tuesday, November 04, 2003 - 5:47 pm:      Seema, thanx mala tuza mhanana patlay aani mi te nakkich amlat aannyacha prayatna karin. Arun Tuesday, November 04, 2003 - 9:14 pm:      ho baMQa roXamaacao rivavaar sakaL cyaa idvaaLI AMkat yaaca ivaYayaavarcaa jyaÜ%snaa dovaQar yaaMcaa ek laoK .... http://www.esakal.com/20031019/sakalvis12.html Sayonara Wednesday, November 05, 2003 - 12:42 am:      Cana laoK Aaho AÉNa. AsaM p`%yaok jaNa vaagaU laagalaa tr kurbaurI pNa kmaI hÜtIla. Dhondopant Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 2:09 am:      Aro baapro² ho kItI gauMtagauMtIcao Aaho.... Dante Friday, November 21, 2003 - 1:30 am:      Easy to talk the talk, but near impossible to walk the walk. Not in ordinary human terms atleast. Politically, maybe. It is a classic case of clash of civilizations and remaking of the world order. Just replace the word civilization with its smaller cousin, the culture. In older generations the DIL used to be quite young at the time of marriage. So transplanting the existing culture of the household onto this new person was not a big deal. Now a days it is almost a given that the DIL brings her own culture with her, and it invariably clashes with the incumbent culture to avoid being undermined by it. The only PRACTICAL way these clashes can be handled is by examining the fault lines between the two cultures and treading with high diplomacy around them. Now someone may raise the point about most of the marriages being between people of same religion, faith, language etc. However, never can two households be exactly the same and the fault lines are the lines along which differences occur and escalate into conflicts. In that sense, the India-Pakistan conflict is a good example to analyze as analogous to DIL-MIL relationship. The funny thing is within the small frame of 56 years these two seem to exchanging roles so often depending on what angle of relationship is being examined. I think all such clashes are doomed to the tighrope walk of constant politicking. There is no emotionally satisfying canonical solution to this. Keshar Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:40 am:      chetu che vachun baryach chetu aathvalya... kharch aas ka?yala kharokharch uttar nahi nahi ka? vapunch ek vakya aathval"Atishay tatsth mansana tyanch premane karnari manas bhetatat" chetu tula maaybolikarani salla dilach aahe..tyatlya tyat je tula jamel patel te kar...chan anandi raha..ya gosti sathi tari ki tuza navara tula manane samjun ghetoy.. sasula patra lihi aas tula konitari mhantaly ...tuzi adchan aahe ti hi ki phonevarhi dhad n bolnarya sasula kay lihave tar comon patra lihi...ethe tuze chan chalele aahe...tumhi tumchi kalji ghya agdi eka panat lihi char tuzyakadchi vakya don prashna aani namsakar yatch purna hoil.. aata anekana vatel yacha kay upyog aahe tar ha ek praytana aahe....dilasa aahe..tuzi baju clear aahe..ki tu tari praytna kela hota.... agdi lagech nahi tari kalantarane tari yachi dakhal ghetali jail... Ppk Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 1:16 pm:      ha board barech divsaat active nahi aahe, tarihi mala je lihaaycha aahe, te ithech appropriate aahe asa vaatta. Ithle experiences vaachun asa vaatla ki aapan ekte nahi aahot jila ase anubhav ale. Me asa mhanat nahi aahe ki chuk tyanchich aahe, kivha majhich aahe, (kadachit chuk konachich naselahi) pan sarkha ek dadpan asta manavar ki aapan tyanchya manasarkha vaagto aahe na? ki tyanna ajun kahi hava ahe ani apan tasa samju shakat nahi ahe... te titkasa mokle panani bolat nahit, vicharla tar "tu mhanshil te Ok" asa sangtat, tya mule khara tyanchya manat kaay ahe te kalat nahi. ashya veli mag aplyala (potentially) vait pana gheun hava te karava ka, ki ajun kahi upay ahe? konala asa experience ahe ka? (Sorry me engligh madhye type karte ahe, mala ajun te devnagri type karayla jamla nahi) Prasadp77 Friday, August 27, 2004 - 7:07 am:      PPK, Tell me one thing, would you get these feelings about your parents?? I guess NOT then why about in-laws. On few marriage BBs, many have made postings that marriage is amalgamation of two families and all related yari yari yara. Now the point is, if thats true, then such situation should not arise but if anyone draws a thin line then such things would come up. If you are newly married and you feel like that then its understandable as it takes time to know everybody and at the same time, its responsibility of your in-laws and family to make you feel confortable and a female should mix herself in the new family the same way as she would at her parents place. Eventually, such uncomfortable feeling should vanish away. About their comment " Tu mhanshil te OK", this can also be interpreted as they want you to take charge and lead, if this doesn't convince you, be frank and ask them whats there in their mind and I am sure, responsible and understanding in-laws would answer your question. If you prefer to keep frank and candid dialogue, things should sort out clearly. Be warned, frank and candid dialogue wouldn't always take your side if you are expecting that. Please comment if my understanding is wrong!! Ppk Friday, August 27, 2004 - 1:12 pm:      Thanks for the reply prasad, ">> Be warned, frank and candid dialogue wouldn't always take your side if you are expecting that." Have already tried this. Did not work. I guess the basic idea beind this approach ha ahe ki samorcha manushya pan titkyach moklepanani problem solve karnyachya asheni communication karto ahe. Tech jar nasel, tar pudhe kay karaycha? Me thodi background sangte, majha navin lagna zala ahe, majha navra ani me swatahach lagna tharavla (mhanje jyala boli bhashet "love marriage" mhantaat!), amchya doghanchya families madhye kahi basic farak ahet. shikshan, vichar karaychi paddhat, ajun hi kahi goshti. Arthat navrya che vichar sagle tase nahi, mhanunach lagna jamla, pan tyache aai vadil thodya veglya atmosphere madhle ahet. Mala tyana badlaycha nahi ahe. In fact tumhi je mhantay, ki "would I felt this way about my parents" tar nakkich nahi, and i don't want to feel this way about them either. Pan me prayatna karun suddha acceptance sathi kay karava? Tar miscommunication (especially early in the marriage) kasa taalaycha? karan atachi relationship hi pudhcya varshan cha base honar ahe. Prasadp77 Friday, August 27, 2004 - 2:22 pm:      My guess was right. If my understanding is right than his parents are conservative. What I would do is keep the story as it is for a while and keep pulling in best possible way, keeping patner informed of the story, making it sure that he IS understanding your honest efforts and at the same time, would try to get along very well with like minded family members. Once you are sure that your like minded people can take your side, you tell them very clearly,doesn't matter even if it turns bitter for a while, that this is what I feel and this is what I would like to happen, what you have to say!! Yes, I must say that your husband should be willfully ready to talk to his parents, may be in your absence and try to convince them your story. Rumali_roti Friday, August 27, 2004 - 3:25 pm:      caotnaaÊ tuJaa AnauBava vaacalaa. maaJaa AnauBavahI farsaa vaogaLa naahI. lagna Jaalyaavar navara lagaoca yau.esa laa gaolaa. pasapÜT- vagaOro kamaasaazI maI maagao raihlao. 2 naNaMda lagna Jaalaolyaa. %yaamauLo GarI saasaucaoca rajya. saasaro Asaoca %yaaMcyaasamaÜr na baÜlaNaaro pNa %yaaMcaIca baajau GaoNaaro. 3 maihnao maI rahIlao. [tka Bayaanak AnauBava Aalaa kI baasa. Kr tr Aašcyaa AgadI ivaÉw vaagaNaaáyaa baašlaa Aaš ka mhNaayacao ho malaa AjaunahI kLt naahI. AsaÜ. tr kaya saaMgat hÜto... haM .... saasaubaa[ rÜja Dbao badlaNaar svayaMpakGaratlaoÊ evaZoca navho tr maaJao saamaanahI ³psa- vagaOro´ ]gaaca jaagaa badlauna zovaayacyaa. mhNajao maI drvaoLI %yaaMnaa ivacaaravao. Amaoirkotuna navaáyaacaa fÜna Aalaa kI AXaI gaÜD hak maarayacyaa kI jaNau %yaalaa vaaTavao Aaplyaa baayakÜlaa ho fulaap`maaNao japt Aahot. AaiNa ek zrlaolao mhNajao naNadocao ka^]tuk. idvasaBar nausato AamacaI 34ÂhI34 AXaI Aaho ÊAamacaI hI tXaI Aaho hoca eokavao laagayacao. naNaMda maa~ AgadI caaMgalyaa Aahot. kQaIhI vaa[T vaagalyaa naahIt. maI [qao H4 ivhsaa var Aalao. %yaamauLo [qao kahI kama krta yaot naahI. tr malaa rÜja mhNaayacyaa itqao gaolyaavar baGa pÜLI BaajaI cao Dbao banavauna dota yaotat ka ² ³[tkohI maaJao iXaxaNa kmaI naahI´to kama kmaIpNaacao Aaho Asao naahI pNa mau_ama malaa laagaavao mhNauna ho baÜlalao jaayacao. iXavaaya Aaplyaa maulaalaa iktI iXaklaolyaa maulaI saaMgauna Aalyaa hÜ%yaa pNa naiXabaat Asaola toca imaLto AXaI mau>afLM eokvalaI jaayacaI ivanaakarNaca.² Asao ilahIlaM ittko kmaIca Aaho. navara caaMgalaa Aaho pNa Aaš hI Aašca Asato naa %yaaMcyaasaazI .AaplyaasaazI tI ‘saasau’ Asato ho %yaanaa ksao kLNaar Æ s~I caa janma imaLalyaaiXavaaya saasau saunaocaM naatM ³ Æ´ puÉYaaMnaa kQaIca kLNaar naahI.lagna mhNajao ivaktcaM duKNaM Aaho hoca KrM²... thanks for listening RR Ppk Friday, August 27, 2004 - 3:57 pm:      RR, shevti don divsachi aai ti sasuch ti janmachi. asa mhantat na, ki swatahachya muli evdha changla navra kadhich milat nahi ani swataha evdhi changli bayko mulala kadhich milat nahi ! Gappa basnyatach (nidan pahili kahi varsha) shahanpana ahe asa mala ata vatayla lagla ahe.

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