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abhijit.. tasa nahi re.. aai vadil ( kiva aai ) balantpan jevadhe changale aaniaapulkine karu shakel tevadhe nurse karnar ka? prashana $$ cha nahi aaye.. aani tyanni firave.. infact.. praytek mulachi ashi iccha asate ki aai vadilanna ikade balantpanasathi aanaymagache dusare karan mhanaje tyanna america dakhavane.. pan tyala kahi vel.. ekada sagala sthir sthavar zale ki baghata yete.. aso.. kadachit mi ji case pahili ti farach tokachi asel.. tasha sasava nasatil hi.. pan any ways..
aani aai vadilancha tras sahan karaycha nahi ase mi mhanat nahi re.. pan muddamun khuL kadhun denara tras kashala sahan karaycha? samaja aai vadilanpaiki konala kahi physical limitation aahet..100% madat aani seva karayala pahije.. pan sagala dhad dhakat aahe pan ugich tras kon sahan karnar?
mi tech mhanalo.. jashyas tase.. aai vadil ( sasu sasare ) premaL asatil.. tyanna tyanchya peksha jasta prem dya.. pan jar te fajil asatil tar matra nimutpane sahan karane hyachi kahi garaj nahi.. choughanpaiki jo chukat asel tyala samajavalech pahije.. aso.. mi aata hyatun virhsranti gheto.. farach vadgrsta hot chalala aahe ha vishay..
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tuJao mhNaNao maanya. jar kuNaI mau_amahUna ~asa dot Asaola ( Aata sahsaa Asao hÜt naahIÊ Asao AapNa ga`uhIt QartÜ ) Ê tr kaya kravaoÆ inamaUTpNao sahna krNao ho caUkca AahoÊ pNa lagaoca "Tit for tat!!" nakÜ ro baabaa²²
P.S.=tU jar (a discussion laa vaadga`st mhNat AsaXaIla tr [tr BB var Aajapya-Mt Jaalaolyaa cacaa- sfÜTk vagaOro mhNaavyaa laagatIla²² tr lagaoca ilaihNao baMd nakÜ kÉ...
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This is in direct reply to Navanava. No I am not washing my dirty linen in public. It is a general statement, instead of using 'ekjun' I used the true situation, which rarely anyone would do. You should be appreciative of the fact that people here are honest and not labaad before you make such personal comments. In fact I found your comments abusive and intrusive, not any of the others, even if they blame me for this.
Secondly, my husband is also a maaybolikar and I am sure he has read these messages and has put in comments of his own.
i have not said anything here that I am ashamed of, or for which I should apologise. But I cannot say the same about you.
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<I don't mean to be rude, but I'm grateful that I'm neither Swati's parents-in-law nor her husband>
NN:[qao discussion caa ek basic saMMkot tu maÜDlaa Aahosa² persoanl comments krNyaat kaya point AahoÆ these discussion boards are not for that purpose svaatInao itcao AnauBava Aaplyaa savaaMsamaÜr maaMMDlao maÜkLopNaanao tr %yaat itca kaya cauklaÆ evevry society has its problmes, and one effective way to solve them is to discuss it in public, not hide it and pretend as if there is no problem, unfortunately in our culture gaPp basaa saMMsËutIcaa purskar krtat baroca laÜk ²%yaanao problems solve hÜt naahIt.dabauna zovalyaanao vaaZIlaa laagatat what we need desparately in our culture today is frankness, an openness of accepting that we have problems, swati has done exactly that and has tried to open up a discussion!It is commendable and we should all praise her for that.According to your suggestion if no one "washses their dirty linen in public",these discussions will cease to exist!I can talk abt what problmes I had with my parents when I was growing up very openly here, and even they would apprecite it.That doesn't lessen my love for them and vice versa!
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kudos swati!
its good to see a marathi woman expressing herself freely, talking abt her problmes openly!
NN:hypothetical cases discuss kÉna ho discussion jaovaZ frank vhayalaa pihjao tovaZ hÜNaar naahI²
And NN FYI, in the beginning swati had not given out any details, one maaybolikar asked her for that, and then she started out with the details!
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navanava
ideally personal gaÜYTI caar caÝGaat discuss kÉ nayaot ho AgadI barÜbar Aaho. pNa eKaValaa tsa krNyaamaQao kahI gaOr vaaTt nasaola tr tulaa Aaxaop GaoNyaacaI kahIca garja naahI. ha jyaacaa %yaacaa p`Xna Aaho.
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Well, I had been following this discussion right from day1. Swaticha 1-2 posts nantar reply karayacha mala moh jhala hota...but then i thought and realised that actually swatid does not need any advice or counsel..(agree with u sums). And anyway, sums had written what i really wished to write. But i guess this discussion is very healthy, and it can really be a guidance for some of us.
Sometimes you just keep troubling yourself with questions like "chuk majhi ki itaranchi"? "mi kaahihi kele tari paristhiti ka badlat naahi?" etc. khare uttar ase asate ki paristhiti farshi badaluch shakat nasate (obv. sometimes!). At those times if you come to know the reasons why a situation cannot change, it at least puts your mind to peace....
Well, currently you are talking of US, but think of it, this could be a situation here, in India also. Ithehi nokri karNaaryaa sunaa sagale accept kartaatach ase nahi.
Aso, aamche kaam yethe shravanbhaktiche jhale...but felt good.
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:0) Aarti, tu Mrs. Shailu ka?
Hmmmm VATLACH mala.
Anyway, ithe BBvar intro nako. Shailu shi details madhe bolloy.
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Adi,
1) I had a problem with Swatid's post, and I said so to her, she responded. Baat khatam. We have obviously agreed to disagree. I didn't intend to reply to her post, but I'm replying to yours, because I feel obliged to answer some of your questions.
2)I don't have a problem with 'moklepana' as you probably believe. I have never minced my words, and I think people should be very clear too. My problem is with mentioning actual people/names, not the topic at hand.
3) In fact, I believe this is a great BB and a great topic. I've been following it with great interest, and particularly look fwd to Rangy and Savyasachis's posts, both of which are equally well written and opinionated.
4) I never mentioned' Sanskruti' anywhere, you seem to have assumed that I'm a culture vulture obssessed with 'dabun thevne' etc. I'm not. I have a problem with the specifics.
5) You seem to believe that the discussion would be less worthwhile if people were not specific.I beg to differ, please read some of the most informative posts and try to even guess whether the persons are married! Rangy, samirm75, Savya, Abhijit....all had great posts, no one mentioned names. I do not recall reading about any of their in laws( except samirm75 who mentioned it on the side, and who made his point about behaviour vs naati very well)
6) You mentioned that you could talk about your relationship with your parents openly here. Think for a moment. There's got to be a reason why no one else mentioned specifics. And if you think it's a coincidence, ask them to take names. They won't.Get Rangy, Vaatsaru, Abhijit, Savyasachi, Arati halbe, samirm75, in short, the prolific posters,, to take names and specify instances. I repeat, they won't.
7)Thanks for the info-- but I was aware of it. I know that Swatid had not mentioned details in the beginning, but whether she did becoz of someone else's propmpting or not, is not the point.
8) There have been other BBs started by other Hitgukars. In' Mule ka havi?' did you read any 'majhi mula' type comments? I didn't.In Valentines Day BB ,again, the discusssion was hypothetical. No names. No 'mala tyala/tila card etc dyaychay..'. In 'Premat vhavahar'BB, although there were pretty fiery discussions, at what point did the prolific posters eg Ajjuka , Radha_T mention THEIR own experience with Nirapeksh Prem?Were these discussions any less effective? And by not mentioning specifics, do you think probelms were being shoved under the rug? I don't think so.
9) Do not believe that my refusal to change my stand, or my firm conviction on this matter, and indeed my firm refusal to apologise has anything to do with pride/ego. I have apologised in the past very clearly, and without any prompting,( India-Pak war BB- navanava:Vikas Choudhary post), just as you have. In fact, mentioning personals was precisely the issue on which I asked YOU to consider your statement to Sudharak shahane on the Premat vhavhar BB.You apologised too. So don't think I have a problem with apologies.
10) Here's some food for thought. Imagine for a moment that there is another website ,let's call it www.marathimanse.com. Assume there is a bb started about Best Friends. Assume yOUR best friend says things about you, mentioning specifics. How appropriate would that be? I know I'd feel awful if my best friend were to lash out at me on some website somewhere on some BB.
11) I am ending this matter now. The reason for this post was an answer to primarily you, and to a much lesser extent Rocknrolls. If you wish to reply to this, understand that I'm not going to respond again. Far too many BBs have gone awry because 'post'ers got personal ( most notably, Veer Savarkar chitrpat kasa vtala). As many as 3 BBs have been closed on one day.I do not want a moderator on my back, and so I'm not going to respond. Swatid was obviously very astute, as she understood what I was getting at, and responded clearly. Your post on the other hand,was replete with preconceived notions,and marked by a general lack of clarity.
Despite all the above ( and I'm not being kujkat-pls give me the benefit of doubt),I look forward to chatting with you and the others on GTP1. I wish to remain your friend.
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are mudda kay ani vishay kuthe chalalay!!
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I agree, me nuste heading vachun barech diwas vichar karte ahe ki lihava ki nahi, vachava ki nahi, for the simple reason ki mala ata ya vishayan var bolaychach kantala ala ahe. Almost every person who disagrees with me thinks that I am a mannerless person with no regards for elders. Nothing could be more besides the point. I respect and love all elders in (and outside) my family.
Pun me jevha rangy sarkhi mata vyakta karte tevha mala hich reaction milte.
Why is it so difficult for people to grasp that to disagree with your elders, is not to disrespect them?
why do they assume that to do all that they expect and want is the most respectful thing to do? I think it's the most obedient thing to do, but obedience does not guarantee respect. I know a lot of women who do all that is expected of them, and go to their parents' and complain. I think we are better off. I tell my inlaws when I disagree with them, but do so respectfully. Office madhe nahi ka kadhi boss shi disagreement hota, tevha kay apun nehmi gappa basto ka? apan apli mata kalavtoch na? mug ithech ka te evdha avghad jagcha dukhna whava?
And I think swati has braught up a good point, that we should all learn from. Ithe kahi jana aplya parents' chya generation madhle hi ahet, te jevha he sagla vachtil, tar tyannahi aplyala kaay problems yet astil te kalel.
ani ithe sagle muddam koni asa karat nahi mhantat, te matra ajibaat khara nahi. Me khup javalun, muddam hun vaet vagnari loka pahile ahet(thankfully mazyashi koni asa vaglela nahi). Pun mazya javalchya olkhichyanchyat he ghadlela me pratyaksha pahilela ahe.
Ani kshan bhar asa mhanoo ki nastilahi muddam karat, pun aaj paryant, sooneshi sambhalun ghya asa sasu-sasryanna koni advice dilela aikla ahe ka? advice nehmich sunela asto.
ani adjustments avghad astat tya sarvannach. Ani apun aplya parine sagla karatach asto. Swati ne already sangitlay, ki tya ushira alya tari tyannaach karava lagta vagaire, yacha artha tya tyanchya parine adjust kartach ahet, tyanchi mula hi adjust kartahet asa post varun vatla, so now I think the ball is in her in-laws' court. tyanni hi thodifar adjustment karayla kahich harkat nahi. Nidan ekvelcha chaha karoon ghene he titkese avghad jau naye, unless ofcourse tyanchyachyane hotach nasel, in which case this wholle point of making adjustments is mute.
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Hi NN:
From your first post I had a picture of u as a sort of conservative, 'not ready to discuss' typr of a person. Also, me being relatively new to hitguj and not being present on GTP etc. had not read too many of your posts. But as a rule (that came from experience of course!) I avoid making opinioins about anybody at an early stage. And i know it pays off...like it did now. Yeah, your second post is great! Please forgive me for not exactly talking on the topic this BB is intended for, but cant resist the temptation here!
Yeah, I was impressed with your second post, and also with posts of some other people. there's a lot to learn here!
NN : As a general situation, i do agree with you, that we can keep a discussion less personal, but yeah sometimes it helps talking direct, maybe to express the intensity, or the significance. Also sometimes when you see the right kind of audience, you might even unknowingly come out with things you would otherwise not say anywhere.
Whole point is, I dont think we discuss things here to give our brains an exercise in thinking and logic. There is very much an element of emotion and humanness, so you have to always grant that
Anyway as NN had said, she is not going to reply this :) but I guess she can always read this.
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NN:cool it.
i got evevrything clarified after reading ur e-mail..and yes i am guilty of having prejudices as you rightly pointed out.well obviously we diagree abt some things, but thats ok.I still have an objection abt you saying personal things abt swati..but well!anyways..
and despite all this i appreciate your spirit of open, free and non-personal discussion.I will continue to talk with yo, here and on GTP, no problems at all!
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Its great to see so many people who have something to say on this subject, and on how this subject is being discussed here on the BB.
Let me make a few things very clear, which I should have done at the beginning.
1. I do not 'hate' my in-laws or resent them, I just expect some things from them which they are not able to deliver.
2. I am not a person who would go on Oprah to discuss this on National TV, but I feel comfortable here to talk about this without concealing names on this BB. I have been a maaybolikar for the past 3 years now and have always felt this to be a support line, especially when I have lived so far away from home.
3. I opened this topic here for the express reason of making people aware of this problem, which I am sure is a very common phenomenon, and occurs in all your homes too, be honest with yourself here.
4. I have read all the postings here, and have made comments on the ones that I found I could comment on. The one that I found offensive, I replied directly to.
5. Stating a problem that I am facing at home, directly on the BB without hiding facts, makes me an open person not a cheap one, as suggested by NN.
6. I mentioned this problem because it genuinely is an issue with me, and I needed to talk about it to people who I could rely on to be non-judgemental and give me different points of view. I have lived in a joint family ever since I got married, in an apartment in Shivaji Park, and never had an issue with my in-laws. As I have mentioned in my postings, this issue arises due to the changed lifestyle of the west. Do you think that if I had problems with my in-laws, they would visit us here for a whole 9 months? DO you not think that "Haat lavun JaaNe" would have been the primary objective?
7. This is a problem I would love to overcome, and was airing it here maybe looking to get a pointer in the right direction. Please do not think that I was doing "Saasarchya KagaLya". I am sure this problem can arise even with the other set of parents maybe. You never know, and for those who think they are immune to the trials and tribulations of life, this can be a warning.
So, let us get back on track and try an figure out what it is that can be done, so parents and parents - in - law, both are welcome in our homes and we llok forward to their visits with joy not trepidation.
On a closing note, NN I think its wrong for someone who does not even know who I am am, to make such personal comments about me, based on a couple of postings on a message board.
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Point #7 noted!
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Swati,
though i could not contibute to this discussion much, this has been a very thought provoking discussion to me... Like I said earlier, I am about to start my life with my inlaws in few months. Me and my fiance come from somewhat different background and there is a big difference of opinions and views I feel whenever I get to meet my in laws.. thankfully its only inlaws who differ not my fiance so things can be worked out i guess... anyways!! thanks to you swati for triggering such thought process...
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Hi Swati,
I can understand your situation because I have gone through the same situation few years ago. My in-laws are nice people. I respect my in-laws.
But still I faced the problem of 'understanding'. I was working full time, I was pregnant and top of that I was suffering severe morning sickness. I needed some support which they could not provide. I used to think, what if their daughter was here, in my place? Then they would have behaved differntly. But then I realised, I am not their daughter. It is hopeless to expect things from them because they do not have the capacity to understand a situation or a person. I stopped expecting from them. I use to do whatever I can honestly. things were better for me and my baby.
I do not think that you did some thing wrong by discussing this issue here. Because sometimes you feel free to talk to some strangers which you can not be with your loved ones. I am sure everything will be OK. It is matter of time and getting used to the situation. Best of luck.
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swatine manmolaka karnyasathi sagala lihila ani baryach jannani tyacha "Vegalach" artha ghetala asa distay.ya "Baryach jannanmadhye" mula jasta ahet. pan ragau naka, sagalech jan ase nasataat he mla mahit ahe.
savya ne apalya "Tirkas" budhine sangitala ahhe, ki jo navara samajun ghet nahi, tyala sodun jayach.well!!!! .pan samaja jar bayakochya aai-vadilanni asa trass dila tar navaryani bayakola sodun jayacha!!asacha yacha artha ahe na?
amerikcet yein bhartiya lokancha drushtikon itaka badalu shakato? mhanaje ekhadya chya aai-vadilanni trass dila tar tyanna samajun sanganyachya aivaji apalya spouselacha saral sodun dya, mhanaje prashanach mitala!!!
ithe wachalelya baryach jananchya matawarun asa distay, ki bayako kinwa suneni sasu saasryanche lad-apeksha purvayachya. arthat sagala jar sukhasukhi ani samanjas pane paar padat asel tar kontyach sunela yaat aakshep nasato. pan tyaweli tya sasu sasaryanni janma dilele "LAL" kay karataat?dusarya gharatun alelya muline yanchya aaivadilanchi seva karayachi ani he mula nuste basun rahanaar ka?mhanaje baayakola orders sodayachya, aga ashi nahi tashi seva kar. mazya aaila asa nahi aavadat. swataha kamatun wel milala tarach kahi tari karnar.ani bayakone matra tyanchyasathi sagale kama (jamala tar nokarihi) sodun gharat basayacha!! wa re matrubhakti!!
are mulanno jara vichar kara, hi wel jar tumchyawar ali asati ,a ni tumchya kadun ashach apeksha kelya jat ahet, koni madatila nahi, koni samajun ghet nahi, khudda swatahachi bayako pan samajun ghet nahi tar tumhala kay watala asata?mothyanchi seva karnyat sagalyannach ananda asato.pan jar apalya swatahachyach baayakola apalyacha aai vadilanmule trass hot asel, tar tumhi nahi tar kon samajun ghenaar?(Ithe konalahi he uddeshun lihile nahiye)ji tumchya sahti apala swatahacha ghar sodun ali ahe, tila tumhi nahitar kon samaju ghenaar?tiche kahi chukat asel tar shant pane samajun sanga, pan tichich chuk ahe, tinech sagala karayala pahije, this is wrong attitude.are vichar kara americet yeun bayako jar americetalya baayako sarkhi vagali asati tar?
anyway, navaryane jar samajun ghetalr, tar bayakosathi tyapeksha sukh nahi.watala tar vichara apapalya bayakaana.
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haha...anaghad, surekh lihila ahes...:)
aaplya lihinyache kiti kiti vegvegle artha nighu shakatat, lokanna vatu shaktat he pahun mi stimit ani anandit zalo ahe. he mhanje, tuzya bolnyacha artha asach ahe asa ekane mhanaycha ani dusryane to tasa ajibatach nahi asa mhanaycha...:):)
yavarun mala ek GA nchi katha athavli. tyat ek bairagi eka pravashabarobar bukkyacha rang kalach ahe kashavarun, to pivlach rang ahe asa vaad karat asto tyachi athvan zali...:):)
baki ha BB ajun chalu ahe tar. changle ahe.
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anagha, far changla mudda ubha kelas. me javalun pahilay, ki eka gharat sasu-sasr 70 chya varche, tyanni sunela itka tras dila, veda vakada bolna, paar hat ugarnyaparyant majal geli. Ti shikleli aslyamule ghar sodun ali, navra arthatach aai-vadlanna kahi bolnar nahi, te evdhe vayaskar ahet tu samjun ghyayla hava asa mhannar. Mhanje, swatahcha ghar, rajya, sagla sodun hi mulgi tin anolkhi lokanchya ghari rahayla jate, patvun ghyaycha prayatna karte, te tila tras detat pun samjun hine ghyaycha? ani sagle mhantat lagna modnyapeksha samjun ghyayla hava hine. mhanje tya 25 varshachya muline tumhala samjun ghyaycha, ani tumhi jag pahilelya lokanni tila tras dyaycha? ka tumchya anubhavanni tumhala samjun ghyayla shikavlach nahiye?
respect has to be commanded, it cannot be demanded
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Well said strovi.
Respect has to be commanded not demanded! Jya lokanna kunich respect det nahi ( tyanchyach vagaNyamule) te lok sahsa immature vagtat ase mala vatte ani mag sunela vattel tase bolne , tirkas shere marNe , naave thevaNe he prakaar suru hotat.
Aplyala tya kalaat je milale nahi te sune la miltey yachi asuya suddha kadhi kadhi astech....
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Ha BB tyachya mooL topic pasoon bajula zalela distoy. "Sasu sasre versus soon" ase discussion hou lagale aahe. neways, i have no experience in these relations , so i am curious to know one thing. Sadhyachya life style madhe privacy for husband and wife has a lot of importance. Nobody likes it when their privacy gets invaded. Asha veli jar 9 month asha lenghty period sathi jar in-laws (and parents as well???) rahu lagale tar it is very natural for a person to miss his/her privacy. But our tradition doesnt allow to protest against it openly. That can create a big attitude problem.
People with experience , please enlighten me.
Also, "mulagi ghar sodun mulachya ghari yete" he sadhyachya discussion sathi yogya statement aahe ka? Karan US madhe aslelya 90% mulanche parents he indiatach astat aani muline ghar sodale ase khare manale tar even mulane sudhha ghar sodale aste ki. I wanted to mention this bcas I think such statements are taking this BB away from its purpose. No offence to Anagha.
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Prafull, agreed I deviagted, pun definately not to show sun vs. sasu-sasre.
The only point I wanted to make was, ki samjutdar pun hava ase apun ek dhobal statement karto pun tevha tya vyakti ne already to dakhavla asel, ani tari hi problems ale astil, he apun janoonach ghet nahi. Swati ne kelelya statements na aleli pahili reaction hi lok tila updesh det hote(kind of assuming that she had know shown due-diligence on her part to keep the relationship going). Mhanoon me he udaharan takle.
as far as privacy is concerned, mala watta apun sagle tevdhe assume karatach asto, ki prolonged period sathi koni aplyabarobar rahnar asel, tar privacy milu shakat nahi(at least I hope so). tevdhe adjustment apun karatach asto. I think swaticha issue privacy shi linked nahiye, self-reliance ani samjootdarapanashi she related ahe. ti jar itke kashta karat asel, tar samjun omjun ekhad diwashi jari tichya navryane, kina sasu-sasryanni, sadha ek diwas chaha kela tari I think she will feel appreciated. But right now it seems to me like she has been taken for granted. ani asahi hou shakta. fakta apun updesh kartanna konabaddal kiti mahiti ahe, ani to updesh lagoo padto ki nahi te padtalave.
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>>Ha BB tyachya mooL topic pasoon bajula zalela distoy.
kharay.
pan ya BB la kahi thalak mudda hota ka hahi prashna ahech...:):)
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Savya, I agree. Because, after a while everybody says, "there is no issue here, Swatine fakt man mokale karaayacha prayatna kela!! etc."
Shilpa, most of the people(e.g. myelf), when replied to Swati's post(or on a general perspective), before they suggested Swati to make compramises, most of them clearly said that husbands/kids should take off whatever load they can. (e.g. read my posts.)(Chahaa etc. kirkoL zaale, te karaayalaa kaay laagte?!! Mi tar mhanato, jamel tenvha swayampaakach karaava.) Other points in your second-last post are so correct.
But, not a SINGLE noble lady appreciated any of us guys views in this yet, instead, as always happens, the issue got diverted to "Saasu-saasare v/s Soon" alias "navara bashing!!". (Read Anaghad's post!) Guys never had said that, "sunene 24 taas saasu-saasaryaala jumpun ghyaave", neither you should expect them to do that.(e.g. read my earlier post, where I talked about the situation when parents or in-laws come over here for their daughter/daughter-in-laws pregnancy)
I was going to respond to Anaghad's post, but resisted, but felt had to post now.
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Abhijit
I thouroughly appreciate you point of view, puN ithe itar prashNa madhe aley tyat I guess I did not relay my appreciation very well.
We are not doing any sasu saasre bashing here. There was no intention of doing that when I started this BB.
Ithe mala hya prashNala vaaT mokli karun dyaychi hoti, ki in laws mag tey tiche asot kinva tyache asot, have to learn to adjust. And I dont think this issue is now limited to kids living in US ?Canada but even when they are living in India.
Nokri karnaari DIL havi astey mag tyabarobar kahi adjustments yetaat , tya swikarlya pahije.
Ithe jevha parents or in laws yetaat tevha tyana fakt itli chamak diste, tya pathimaagche kashta disat nahit.
Ithe I am getting personal again, maybe someone will hav eosmething to say about it once more. My husbands cousin (mavasbhau) and his wife had come to visit us in Toronto. They stayed with us just for 3 days, for a long weekend. We did all we could, tyana Toronto cha CN tower, jara shopping, ekda baher jevaN ani baki veLa ghari vegvegLe prakar karun zale. Jatana tyanchya paya padlo, (they are quite older than the both of us) tar tya Vahini mala javal gheun mhanalya, khup kashta padtaat ithe rahaycha mhanje, dista amhala, ani tyatun tumhi doghani amchyasathi itka vel dilat, itka chaan phiravla, kautukani navin prakaar karun khayla ghatle, amhala phaar bara vaaTla.
Tey aikun amha doghana kiti bara vaatla asel, tumhich vichar kara.
The point here is not to take anything for granted, Mi Sasu ahe, mala asa karun dilach pahije , vagaire outlook is not oigng to help you. This is my point. Arey asa adhun madhun jar ka bolun dakhavla, ki khup bara vatta. Kinva ekhad divshi ghari damun gelyawar atleast kapdyachya ghadya kelelya aslya tari dhanya vatta.
What do you guys think?
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There is a saying that "all happy families are alike; but every unhappy family is unhappy in their unique way". with the problems it should be same. I am giving the answers I used; but they may not work for everybody.
I come from a very traditional upbringing, which conditioned me to stand up if an elder enters the room, even if I had been lying down. This created problems when we had to stay in a single room, for a first few months of our life togther as a couple. After a while, I learnt to diferentiate between the expectations from others and my perception of expectations from others. May be those elders didn't wanted me to stand up at all !
Sometimes they are not percieved, but quite real. When I was in Pune, and my mother-in -law would visit me, she would be ready with the plans for the evening dinner and the moment I return from office, she would share it with me. I would feel pressured and felt a need of few minutes relaxation, before I cope up with my duties at home.
The way I managed this is by the way I would have managed it with my mom. I used to tell her, that I am tired; but I'll attend to it after half an hour or an hour. One doesn't need hours with the help of gadgets and the ready to cook ingredients.
If I forget something like ekadashi(which I would, as I am not for rituals. The god in my mind is eough for me and stays with me all the time), I would say sorry. I tend to forget, will they remind me a day before, so we can plan it properly? also ask husband publicly whether he would help to keep track of such exceptions.
Show your worries, vulnerability, your weaknesses; instead of coping it with sealed lips. Share the problems, stress you feel in office / life out side home. This helps a lot. It gives you an escape route which puts the blame o unknown face, not you or them and gives you a common enemy / vilain you can discuss safely. It helps a lot too, as you share the same sentiments and feel you are one family.
It worked for me. My lifestyle is very different than what my mother-in-law had. (in their culture, wife used to draw water from well for the husband's bath, give him bath, comb his hair and eat in the same utensils after he has eaten). In my house, my husband shares, sometimes more than equally, the house chores. Of course I have his support (or you can say I house trained him well :0) ). We don't change our life style, when my mom, or my mother-in-law comes for extended stay.
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hey shubha,
can I take an online class from you? I am os not kidding!!
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In our profesional world, we call it "managing expectations", of your boss, project manager, customer, whoever it is. If you are given multiple high priority tasks with coinciding dead-line, you negotiate priorities, explain your resources, elaborate the consequences of certain decisions. I am sure swati does this in her 24/7 support job all the time. She just needs to apply it to her internal customers. :)
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Well said Shubha. Hats off to you.
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shubha atishay surekh...
>>Show your worries, vulnerability, your weaknesses; instead of coping it with sealed lips.
>>She just needs to apply it to her internal customers.
best. far mojkya shabdaat purna mudda mandla ahes.
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Rshubha: well said and applied to professional as well as personal life :o)
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Shubha
You seem to have got it all together, you seem to have found the secret to a perfect personal life. But I guess you and the rest who appreciate what you said, have managed to realize that life is not picture perfect, life is made up of imperfections. What applies at work Cannot and Must not be applied at home. Office madhe you are dealing with people on a totally unemotional level, can you do that at home?
I dont care if the customer calls to say thanks or does not, its part of my job, I get paid for it. But at home you do not expect to get paid, thats when appreciation comes in, especially from someone older than you, simple people like us call it 'kautuk' sometimes. Again this is not expected all the time, no one in their right mind wants to be told what a great job she or he did evrytime she/he makes a cup of tea. But appreciation is when your MIL has a cup of tea ready when you get back from work , say after 15 hours on the job. Appreciation is when someone sits with you at the dining table, when you are eating dinner at 11:30, when you get back from work.
This is for simple people like me, I dont konw if you understand what I am tring to say here.
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| मायबोली |
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| चोखंदळ ग्राहक |
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| महाराष्ट्र धर्म वाढवावा |
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| व्यक्तिपासून वल्लीपर्यंत |
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| पांढर्यावरचे काळे |
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| गावातल्या गावात |
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| तंत्रलेल्या मंत्रबनात |
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| आरोह अवरोह |
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| शुभंकरोती कल्याणम् |
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| विखुरलेले मोती |
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