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Dhinchyak
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| | Friday, January 19, 2007 - 3:30 pm: | 
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American_desi,you are taking the subject somewhere else,we are not discussing here about whether a girl should go & stay with her husband or a boy should go & stay with his wife,that is entirly a different issue,we are discussing here that one person should not compare the other person,and stop humiliating other person by giving some one else's examples,as two people can't be compared like this,evryone has some good qualities&some bad qualities,nobody is perfect,the person comparing one person with other is also not perfect,so everyone should get their own space&should not be a victim of such comparisions,I hope you have understood the topic very well&now you'll be able to talk to the point,what say?
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Storvi
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| | Friday, January 19, 2007 - 7:16 pm: |
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This way the girl does not have to deal with insane inlaws from boy's side and in-laws from girls side usually respect the boy (Javai). >> and then we will see BB's like माझे सासरे मला मेव्ह्ण्याशी compare करतात हे बरोबर का? pendulumn will keep on oscillating, no need for equilibrium 
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Manuswini
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| | Friday, January 19, 2007 - 7:48 pm: |
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मेहुण्याशी कमपायर वगैरे सोडा, उद्या एखादा घरजावई म्हणेल,माझे सासरे खळे सारवायला सांगतात ..(च्च.. च्च vaccum करायला सांन्गतात अख्खे घर दर रविवारी सकाळी मगच चहा मिळतो ...) घरजावई असताना असे करणे बरोबर आहे का?
नविन bb
घर जावयाने vaccum केल्यावर चहा मागावा का?
त्याला बेसिक clenaing येत नसेल तर असे सासर्‍याने वागावे का?
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Dhinchyak I have been married for 10 years now and I have been in the same shoes like you.
Mothers who are connected to their sons often have difficulty when it is time for them to get married. It is difficult for them to concede that their son is marrying another woman who will become the focus of their life, when for so many years that man was the focus of their lives. This is surrounded with some feelings of envy or beliefs that nobody can be an adequate wife for their son. Your MIL may be one of the types who is outwardly rude or obnoxious to you. Either way, usually these actions are due to those feelings of envy and anxiety.
YOu try to be patient. It is certainly difficult to understand why they may act the way that they do, but unfortunately you can not pick your family. You just marry into it. So try to find a way to deal with your MIL. There are many ways you can try.
One highly successful strategy is to kill her with kindness. Although you may not respect her behavior, respect the fact that she brought a wonderful man into the world, your husband. By using this strategy, your MIL has no right to hold a grudge against you or say anything negative about you. You are the higher person than her.This requires patience and, at times, may be painful.
If you are willing to face a confrontation, consider directly asking your MIL why she seems so comparitive minded towards you. Explain to her that you are in love with her son and have only the best of intentions. Hopefully, your MIL can come to some sort of understanding with you. However, sometimes this option can backfire and cause further fight if taken the wrong way.
If these options do not work, try to maintain a distance from your MIL and hope that time will improve the situation. Do not think 24*7 that why she is doing this and why it is only to me? The more you think, more it is going to
stick in your mind forever.
Remember that although your MIL may be creating havoc on your life, try not to let this interfere with your marriage. Remember that your husband is first in your life, and MILs are a distant priority to you.
It is a very good idea to make your husband the “middle man” for conflicts you have with MIL. Relationships are stronger when they have time behind them and, as they say, blood is thicker than water. Therefore, MIL will probably react better to a request from her son. If your MIL need to back off, it’s better that it comes from your husband.
Be patient and lower your expectations. Don’t expect an immediate transformation or a Kodak moment of love.
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Mala Chaha anyway vaccum kelyvarach milato 
That too in my own house. Ghar Javai banayache sukh pan nahi ... Bayako anyway Mage Lagalelich asate
That is why I come on Maayaboli but here also you all are behind me. Where to go from here ...
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I can suggest you in that case you also start comparing her with other women,like your mother,somebody else's DIL etc.Tit for tat
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माझ्या नवर्‍याचे पालक हे त्याच्या मोठ्या काका-काकुं बरोबर रहात नाहित पण जवळ जवळ रहातात.
माझ्या नवर्‍याचि आई masters आहे व नोकरि करते. गेल्या more than 30 years त्या job करत आहेत. नवर्‍याची काकु १० वि का कमी शिकलेलि घरेलु बाई व वयाने माझ्या नवर्‍याच्या आई पेक्षा लहान. हे सार असुन माझ्या नवर्‍याची आई तिच्या अति अति पुढे पुढे करते.
आमच्या साखरपुडा ते लग्ना यात सारे निर्णय काकुचे. लग्न नवर्‍याच्याच ठिकाणि झाल पण माझ्या "बिदाई" ची रस्म करण्यात आलि (मंडप ते घर) आता यात मी व माजे नतलग पालक सारे उन्हात मंडपा बाहेत उभो ३०-४० मीनट; पण मला घ्यायला यायला हि लोक तयारच नाहित क तर काकु त्यांच्या घरि होत्या त्या येतिल तेव्हाच ही विधि होईल.
आमच्या साखर पुड्यात यांचे वडिल कुठे आहेत हे यांच्या आईला माहित नाही पण 'काका' आलेत का १०० वेळा व ते आल्यावर विधी सुरु हि केला. मी जेव्हा सांगितल माझ्या होणार्‍या नवर्‍याला "तुझे बाबा कुठे आहेत" तेव्हा त्यांना बोलाविण्या साठि कुणितरि गेल. असो. पण लग्ना नंतर मी ही नवर्‍याच्या काकुच्या पुढे पुढे कराव हि जबर्दस्ति.
माझा नवरा अमेरिकेला येत असतांना Airport वर माझ्या आईने camera दिला व सांगितल फोटो घेवु यात.मी व माझ्या नवर्‍याने आधि त्याच्या मित्रां बरोबर फोटो घेतले मग माझ्या पालकां बरोबर ह्या गोष्टिचा त्या काकुला ईतका राग की तिने जवळ जवळ तास भर नाटक केलि जेव्हा आम्हि तिच्या सोबत फोटो काढायला गेलो "नको माझा फोटो नको, लग्नात काढलेत ना.." शेवटि हि बया तिच्या जागेवरच बसुन राहीली आम्हिच तिला घेरुन उभ राहुन Pohoto काढला.
नवर्‍याचि आई आम्हाला सांगते "त्यांचा photo आधि घ्यायचा होता". Camera माझ्या आई-बाबांचा आणि ठरविणार कोण तर ति लोक. शिवाय काकुचि मुलगि होतिच सोबत तिखट-मीठ लावायला.
आम्हाला त्यांचे कडे जेवायला बोलवल तर काका बाहेर हि नाहि आला. झोपला होता ७:३० वा. संध्याकाळी कारण काय आम्ही जाव त्याला विचारायला.
आमचे कडे अस कोणा नातेवाई का कडेहि (अगदि जवळचे सोडले तर) आम्हि अस सरळ त्याच्या Bedroom मध्ये जात नाही आणि इथे तर प्रश्न्च नव्हता मी जाण्याचा but या वर नाक चढलेलि सार्‍यांची.
मी इथे असुन तिथे माझ्या पालकांना माझ्या नवर्‍याच्या आईचा जाच आहे. माझ्या नवर्‍याला भारतात आता सारख फोन करण जमत नाही तर त्याची आई दर ५-६ दिवसात वेळि-अवेळि फोन करुन माझ्या पलकांना विचारत असते की "तुम्हाला तुमच्या मुलिचा फोन आला काय, काय बोलण झाल व माझ्या मुलाला मला फोन करायला सांगा" वरुन रडण वै. करते.
माझे आई-बाबा , मी हजारदा नवर्‍याला सांगते फोन करत जा पण तो नाहि करत याला मी व माझे आई-बाबा काय करणार.Because of me my paretns are in problem to attend her calls after every 5-6 days and to answer her and her tears is difficult for them they have their things to do.
Comparison काय तर
लग्ना नंतर माझ्या नवर्‍याच त्याच्या आईला फोन करण्याच प्रमाण खूप-खूप कमी झालय.
आम्ही सुना होतो तेव्हा अस करायचो-वागायचो...
लहान-मोठ: वयाने लहान म्हणुन वयाने (केवळ वयाने गुणांनि नाही )मोठ्यांच्या पुढे पुढे करायच.
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Parinita chi life story vachalyavar ... maze problems farach chote vatatat.
Bayakoshi mi far argument karat nahi karan ektar US madhye one can't just get up and go to the market to hang out. Ani shevati bayako kadech jave lagate. Tyamule tithe bhandun kay upayog. Tya peksha vaccuming kelele paravadate.
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Peshawa
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| | Friday, January 19, 2007 - 10:13 pm: |
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http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?ex=1169355600&en=a5bdbcb3887e3a8a&ei=5070
nawaraa bayakos read this to know your animal :-)
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योगायोग असा कि मला आत्ताच मझ्या मैत्रिणिनि या विषयावर एक मस्त कविता पाठवलि, बाकि काहि नाहि तरि mood light करायला मदत करेल.
A little laugh for the women & a sign of caution to our dear
men..........
A Woman's Poem
He didn't like the curry
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't prepare the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Isn’t there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe
Then I smiled as I saw light
One thing I could definitely do
I turned around and slapped him tight...
Like his mother used to !!!!!
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Preetib
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| | Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 7:42 pm: |
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I need to share my problem. But not sure which section I should put it.
Sadhya USA madhe ekati aslyamule konashi bolu shakat nahiye mhanun ethe lihit aahe.
I am working girl in USA. Couple of months back I got to know a guy through matrimonial site.
We just mailed each other and chat couple of times. Mala lakshat aala ki ha mulaga majhyapeksha 4 mahine lahan aahe vayane. So I asked him will this be ok with him and his family. He said yes. So thats why we talked to each other and found suitable for each other.
I myself asked him, what about horoscope match. Because even if I don't belive in that families do,so I just want to amke sure about it.
Then he told me let me talk to my family before ur parents send patrika to my home.
Next day he said, his parents refused me as I am 4 months older than him. I asked him what do u think and he said I don't have a problem.
After that we meet again, and keep meeting and talking. Somehow I feel he is right guy for me and he feels the same way. Our liking is just not attraction only but we both feel that we meet our soulmate.
Then he asked his parents again and this time my patrika checked. It has been found that I am Manglik and he is not. So they again refused. He tried his best but they said no.
Now he also told me NO and said to me lets be friends.
I got shocked and sad as I am really involved in him. Its not my fault that I am manglik. When I checked with one atrologer he said there is no suchd danger that because of ur mangal there is some proble to guy's life or his family.
I tried my best but this guy is not ready to talk to his family again.
At this stage we both really like each other but still can't marry because of family issue.
Its tough to forget him and just get married with someone else without liking that person.
I am going through stress/depression because of this. Worst is I can't share it withanybody,
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Preeti : Jaun de. Je nashibat asate te hoil. Tya mulane sagala try kela. Tyani kahi tula fasavale nahi.
Yatun dhada asa ghyayacha ki lagna thare paryant involve vhayache nahi. Chuk tuzi ahe.
My suggestion: Local marathi mandal kinva Indian organization madhye join ho. Depression jail. Ani parat prayatna kar. Americet chikkar marathi and desi ahet sagalikade. Ani tuzya gharache tuzyasathi baghat asatilach.
It is part of life.
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Zakki
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| | Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 10:19 pm: |
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माझे मत असे आहे की एका दृष्टीने बरेच झाले. त्याचे आई वडिल, घरचे बर्‍याच जुन्या मताचे दिसतात. आजकाल त्या कारणांना अर्थ नाही. हा मुलगा जर इतके त्यांच्या मतावर नाचणारा असेल, तर लग्न झाल्यावर तो एक मोठ्ठाच प्रॉब्लेम झाला असता!
तुझ्या वरसंशोधनात तुला यश मिळो.
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Apurv
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| | Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 12:05 am: |
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झक्कींचे म्हणणे बरोबर आहे, जर त्याला आई वडीलांच्या सम्मतीने लग्न करायचे होते तर त्यांची सम्मती आधी घेऊनच पुढचे पाउल उचलायला हवे होते.
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Meggi
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| | Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 6:07 am: |
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प्रीति, हे प्रॉब्लेम्स love marriage प्रमाणेच arranged marriage मध्ये पण येतात. आधी हो म्हणायचं, मग मुलीची involvement झाली की नाही म्हणायचं, पत्रिकेच्या नावाखाली. तुझं जेव्हा लग्न होइल तेव्हा तुला बरचं वाटेल की तू या जंजाळातुन बाहेर पडलिस. सुरुवातीला वाईट वाटणारच, पण तू यातुन बाहेर नक्की येशील. All the best
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Bhagya
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| | Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 6:14 am: |
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नशीब, नाहीतर लग्न झाल्यावर नाही म्हणायचा.
सर्व लग्नाळूंना मी एक छान वाक्य सांगतेय..... कायम लक्षात ठेवा, सुखी व्हाल.
Get married to someone who loves you rather than getting married to someone whom you love.
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Mi tya mulachya aai-vadilana dosh denar nahi. Pratyekala apali mate ahet and te respect kelech pahije. Ugach tyana junya matache mhanane yogya nahi. Tyani pan jag pahile ahe.
Ani Mulaga aai-vadilanchya (I think Mother chach yat jast vata asanara 100%) matavar nachanara mhanje kay? Why shouldn't a boy take his parents opinion seriously.
Ani maza anubhav sangato ... he patrika, caste, age, background ... ya sagalya goshitna bayakach chikkar mahatva detat. Ithe Marathi mandalamadhye navin koni ale ki .. maherche nav kay? CKP ka, Konknastha ka, maratha ka etc. etc. he prashna bayakanche tharalele asatat. Tyamule bayaka far forward ahet he mala sangu naka.
So, give the boy a break please. He did not do anything wrong.
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>>सर्व लग्नाळूंना मी एक छान वाक्य
चाहे जो तुम्हे ...
कल हो ना हो 
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Preetib
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| | Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 11:26 pm: |
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american_desi...I don't want to blame a guy or his parents or anyone also not myself. I feel like sharing so i put this post but my intesnsion was not to blame anybody.
As u said, ki chuk majhi hoti..manya aahe..as a practical girl even I agree that..but u know i even don't know when i got involved. It just happen to me , when and how i never know.
point is be honest with atleast urself and what u feel. Don't hurt parents but try to communicate them positively..slowly things may change. Parivartan hota pan tyala wel dyawach lagto..hech me tya mulala sangeetala he agreed but he doesn't want to act..and i don't want to force him either..
i know he still likes me but he will get married to someone else..don'u think its wrong for that girl also..
having a job/money/amenties , but is there any honesty..no then ...
i wonder parents ..why can't they just listen once to their children heart..don't change but just give a thought atleast once
as u all said I will come out of it..and after some years I may feel what was all that..
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Simm
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| | Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 11:30 pm: |
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Did you speak to that guy in English, Preeti? That could be the reason for the rejection--just a thought. Take it lightly :-)
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| मायबोली |
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| चोखंदळ ग्राहक |
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| महाराष्ट्र धर्म वाढवावा |
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| व्यक्तिपासून वल्लीपर्यंत |
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| पांढर्‍यावरचे काळे |
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| गावातल्या गावात |
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| तंत्रलेल्या मंत्रबनात |
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| आरोह अवरोह |
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| शुभंकरोती कल्याणम् |
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| विखुरलेले मोती |
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