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My husband's salary is very good hence I never took a job. Once our kids started going to school I took a job as I have post graduation. My husband and my children are very supportive. But I feel very tired due to demanding career. I don't seem to have time for my family and my children seem more attached to their father than me. We have servants for cooking and cleaning but still I am stressed out. Any suggestions?
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Mansmi18
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| | Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 7:37 pm: | 
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Hi Punekarin,
You need to clearly define what is important for you..your career or spending time with your family.
If you were enjoying your job as well as your family life..I would say it was worth the efforts. from your question it seems that you are neither enjoying your job and getting stressed out nor are you enjoying your family life.
Do you think looking after and taking care of kids and family and making a home happy is lesser than working in an office? I think not.
So just ponder over these points and you will find out an answer yourself.
Regards
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punekarin, exact putting down of the problem some of us face.
mansmi18, having to choose 1 out of the two is a simplistic view. What we are trying to explore (at least I am!) is how far we can go and enjoy both, a good family life as well as a satisfying work life. To me at least, the problem is not simple.
Part time working could be one option, but at least in the career stream to which I belong, this option is absent in India. Most of the companies do not offer it, and certain companies which do offer it are located in another city.
The other option i have is to temporarily stop work and give time to family at this stage, but taking a break for 1 year actually throws you so much into obscurity that it is as good as moving back 3 years.
Some people might argue "he bare aahe, donhi kase miLel? either family or career, ekach milel" This is the notion we are trying to break by exploring a possibility of obtaining both AND keeping ourselves sane. For me, i am yet to find the answer, i continue getting stressed out for the time being. I am sure there are many girls here who have found the solution for themselves. please put down ideas so that they can be helpful to us
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I agree with Arati. Simplistic view gheun chalayache nahi. Maza struggle khalil pramane ahe,
1) Sometimes I feel both of us working is making both of us average. I see that everywhere. Doghe average job karat rahatat. Tymule mazyamule mazya navaryachi growth tar me kill karat nahi? asa vichar yeto.
2) Pan kam na karata ghari rahile tar mental block yeto.
Kay karave kalat nahi.
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Ajjuka
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| | Thursday, January 11, 2007 - 2:55 pm: |
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दोघे नोकरी करत असतील तर दोघेही average job करतात हे myth आहे असं मला वाटत. आणि हे myth न मानता खरे मानून दुसर्‍याबाजूने पाह्यले तर त्याच्या career पायी तुझी growth kill होते त्याचं काय?
जर एखाद्याला (irrespective of gender) आपलं स्वतःचं कुटुंब हवं आहे तर त्यासाठी त्याला वेळ देणे गरजेचे आहे मग तो वेळ दिला गेल्याने career मधे अडथळा येत असेल तर one will have to live with it..
अगदी खरं खरं उत्तर दे.. हे प्रश्न तुझ्या नवर्याला कधी पडतात का? कदाचित पडतही असतील पण सर्वसामान्यपणे सर्वच नवर्‍यांना पडतात का? नाही कारण काही जबाबदार्‍या त्यांच्या नाहीत हे गृहित धरलेले असते. असो.. परत स्त्री-पुरूष, पुरूषांनी घरात काम करावे का इत्यादी विषय काढण्यात काही अर्थ नाही त्यावर पुरेपूर चर्वण झाले आहे.. तेव्हा इथेच थांबते
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Disha013
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| | Thursday, January 11, 2007 - 6:55 pm: |
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काल एक छान वाक्य वाच्ले कुठेतरी.....संसार करताना करियर करावे,...करियर करत करत संसार करु नये....
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We are going through similar situation, not understanding what we should do.
However I have to admit that my wife's job has no bearing on my career. Anyways, I was going nowhere in my career (which is still the case, BTW). In fact, I kind of came close to my child after my wife started working. I look at this very positively. My wife has developed self respect, has learnt to organize her time in much better way, does not have psycoligcal problems arising from being at home all the time, developed friends outside home and fetches money too. On the other hand, I have to take care of the kid much more than what I used to. Amazingly it brought us all together.
On the flip side, we give less time to kid. But the kid kind of learns better social behaviour in school/daycare and learns to deal with situations in the world outside from an early age and appreciates our time with him (as opposed to assuming it to be a norm).
I think it was overall a better decision. Let me know if you observe this in your situation. Of course since I am in US, it could be much different than in Pune. But I am still interested in knowing how it goes in Pune.
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Ithe Indiat situation far vegali asate. Var mazya navaryacha pagar mazyapeksha 4 patine jast ahe.
Self respect etc. cha issue nahi. In fact here upper middle class women don't want to work. I have a close relative who is MD (merit) but she does not practice since her husband is a very successful doctor. She teaches dance as a hobby.
Here both type of people are there. Atleast I don't see any respect from society because I work as no body cares. In fact people talk whether my husband is not earning enough or what.
So, situations are different.
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Dhinchyak
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| | Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 6:21 pm: |
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i can suggest u only one thing,don't think too much about people&society,you are not living for them,you are living for yourself,listen to your heart,if u r happy being at house,taking care of your husband,looking after your kids,do that only,don't care about others as whatever u'll do people are always going t say something,& u can't please everyon,then atleast please yourself,who said that being a homemaker keeps your mind empty no not at all,you can have your social circle friends around,you can develope your hobbies & interests,u'll say then what for I have taken education?keep one thing in mind,education is not always taken to earn money or get monetary benefits,it is taken for your psychological&moral growth,if it is requirment of your famly then only you should go out & earn,otherwise let you husband grow,u r supporting him by sharing his all household responsibilities,which is in a way great help to him,and if u r a carrier oriented woman & enjoy persuing your carrier,then go for it&don't think about anything else,see you can't have all the cream at a time.
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Punekarin,ha sagala niyaticha khel ahe ...Mi adhi nokari karanyachya virudhha hote ... aata mi mhanate ... lagna kelya kelya nokari karne hich best practice ahe. Navra tyachya kamat busy aani mule mothi zalyawar tyanchya school madhe busy.Tumhi nokari karat raha.
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Aho,ewadhali shikshana kay chul aani mul sambhalanyasathi ghetali ki kai,ashusachin mee tumachyashi sampurna sahamat aahe,punekarin tumhi tumachi nokari chalu thewa,tumachya carrier kade laksha dya,tumachya nawaryala tyachi nokari karu de,gharachya jababdarya doghehi watun ghya.
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Sodun dila. Ajach rajinama deun ale. Nokari (career) chya navakhali company chi dhuni dhuna kharach avadale navate.
Mi social work karanyacha vichar karate ahe. Anyway, Sonia Gandhi, Shalinitai Patil are my role models so Politics also can be a possibility. Working class life is not for me. My personality is not like that.
Thank you for all your thoughts. I wish ALL Maayabolikar should have opportunity to do something beyond regular "Nokari, Chul and Mul".
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Mansmi18
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| | Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 4:40 pm: |
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Punekarin,
Abhinandan.
Jithe apale man lagat nahi kivva dwidha manasthiti asate tithe apalyala anand vatel ase karane bara. Dusaryanna kay vatel yapeksha swatala kay vatate yala mahtva dene sarvat changale.
Plus tumchyajagi kadachit jyanna kharokhar nokarichi avashyakata aahe tyanna ek nokari anakhi vadhali.
Regards
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Salil
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| | Friday, January 26, 2007 - 6:43 pm: |
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आपली गरज काय हे ठर्वण कथिन आहे आणि इथे कोनि जगचा विचार करत नाही आपल्या गरजा खुप वाढ्ल्या आहेत. बायकोने नौक्रि करन हि कालाची गरज आहे. इथे कोनाचा भरवसा आहे ना नौक्रि चा ना नवर्यचा
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Ami79
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| | Thursday, February 22, 2007 - 11:37 am: |
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मी बर्‍या पैकी जुनी मायबोलीकरीण आहे.
मी आजच या बीबी वर आले. कदाचीत नुकतेच लग्न झाले आहे, म्हणुन पावले आपोआप इथे वळली.
इथे अनेक बीबी बंद आहेत, असे का?
तिथली चर्चा मी वाचली. ती खुप रेलेवंट वाटली. ते बीबी बंद करण्याचे कारण कळू शकेल का?
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Meghdhara
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| | Friday, February 23, 2007 - 3:51 am: |
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प्रश्ण फक्त या भरवशाचा नाहिये.. लग्नानंतर बाईने नोकरी केल्यावर (किंवा अगदी नाही केली तरी) घराच्या बाबतीत तीने आणि त्याने मॅरीड बॅचलर सारखे न वागण्याचा भरवसा.. आणि बरच काही..
मेघा
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Jadoo
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| | Friday, August 24, 2007 - 7:54 pm: |
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बरयाच दिवसानि इथे येणे होते आहे....
In -law's चा BB block केल्याने इथे मी post टाकत आहे...मी इथे US मधे IT field मधे full time job karate आताच May मधे नविन company join केलि आहे त्यामुळे vacation earn झाली नाहिये...माझे लग्न december मधे झाले. माझा नवरा IT field मधे नहिये आणि तो बरेच वर्ष एकाच company मधे असल्यामुळे त्यचि बरिच vacation शिल्लक आहे
.. नुकतेच माझे in laws India हुन इथे आले.. आम्ही त्याना 1 week california trip करवलि.. मी २ दिवस unpaid vacation घेतलि त्या trip साठि... आता माझि सगळि vacation सम्पलि आहे माझ्या job मधे आत सगळे project जोरत सुरु झाले आहेत. मला December पर्यन्त एक certification सुद्धा complete करायचे आहे
आत माझा नवरा n त्याचे parents यांना दर weekend ला कुठे तरि trip हवी आहे either Minneapolis or Chicago or Kansas माझा week एवढा hectic जातो कि मला weekend ला थोडा आराम करावासा वाटतो or माझ्या exam ची तयरि करायचि असते मी trip साठि नाहि म्हटले कि माझा नवरा मला emotionally blackmail करतो. तु आलि तर बरे होइल otherwise I will feel bad वगेरे
आत माझ्या in -laws ना १० वर्षाचा visa आहे मी म्हणते कि सगळे एकच trip मधे कसे शक्य आहे? but they just ignore it
मी काय करावे हे मला कळत नाहि. बरे आधि आम्हि त्यांना thomas cook च्या local trip चा option दिला तर त्यांना ते नको होते..एवढे काहि बघायचे नाहिये असे म्हटले आता मी weekend trip साठि नाहि म्हटले तेर भांडण होते मी काय करावे माझे इथे काहि चुकते आहे का?
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Maanus
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| | Friday, August 24, 2007 - 8:42 pm: |
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जमेच्या बाजुकडे बघ... एकाच trip मधे सगळे उरकुन जातेय. म्हणजे दर वर्षी ते येणार नाहीत.
आणि एकदा सहपरीवार चक दे ला जावुन ये.
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Mansmi18
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| | Friday, August 24, 2007 - 9:07 pm: |
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जादू,
मला वाटते तु तुझ्या सासु सासर्याना कय परिस्थिती आहे ते सांगावेस. शेवटी काय महत्वाचे आहे हे तुला स्वत:ला ठरवावेच लागेल. be polite but firm and I am sure they will understand
पण तुझ्या नवर्याला हे कसे कळत नाही हे कळले नाही.(तो या सुखानो या मधल्या "आर्यन" सारखा नाही ना? just joking
all the best
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Arch
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| | Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 8:46 pm: |
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जादू, तू नवर्‍याशी स्पष्ट बोल. त्याला तू समजावून सांग की तुला job वर खूप काम असत आणि त्या pressure मुळे तू दमतेस आणि weekend ला तुला अभ्यास करायला पाहिजे आणि आताच सुट्टी संपल्यामुळे weekend शिवाय इतर वेळ मिळत नाही तर तुम्हीच जाऊन या. ते गेले की तुलाही अभ्यासला वेळ मिळेल. आणि ते जेंव्हा trip वरून परत येतील तेंव्हा तू त्यांच्याबरोबर वेळ देऊ शकशील. पुरुषांना काही गोष्टी सांगितल्याशिवाय लक्षात येत नाहीत. open communication is a key to your successful marraige.
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